Total Drama Chef
by Christlover357
Summary: Even when Chris is stuck in prison, the show must go on! Chef Hatchet is thrust into the job of hosting season five, which he has promptly named after himself. With twenty past contestants returning for another chance at a million dollars, this is definitely going to be one wild ride filled with craziness, pain, drama, and a whole lot of chaos.
1. Fifth Season Blues Part 1

_Hello everyone! Christlover357 with yet another attempt at a Total Drama fanfiction. I have high hopes for this one, I've learned from my past mistakes, and I have just enough people to write for so the chapters won't be overwhelmingly long and I can write (hopefully) good quality work. _

_This is a reimagining of season five, but having nothing to do with the actual them of the fifth one itself, completely different. Also, if I owned TD, the show would be radically different then it is now, I do this not for money, but my own personal enjoyment._

_With that, here's Total Drama Chef!_

* * *

**FIFTH SEASON BLUES - PART 1**

Chef maliciously smirked as he stood at then dock of shame, ready to open up Total Drama's fifth season.

"Welcome back to Wawanakwa everybody watching! We're here to bring you season five of Total Drama, Total... Drama... Chef! Why "Total Drama Chef"? Cause I didn't know what to name the darn season, and since I'm hosting and deserve to have something named after me I settled on that. And if you don't like that..." Chef got his face in the camera, "BUILD YOURSELF A BRIDGE AND GET OVER IT! Anyways, you're probably wondering where Chris is. Hee hee, I'll explain that in due time, but now we must introduce the worst part of my job. The stupid, snot-nose, ungrateful, hormone-filled whiner brats you call the contestants that I'll have to feed, make challenges for, and give a million dollars to."

As the cook said these words, a large helicopter flew in from the distance. Chef rolled his eyes as he thought of the returning teens.

"Through the highly complicated process of eeney meny miney moe, I randomly selected twenty weirdoes from the past four seasons, and you'd better like them all!" Hatchet then pulled out a megaphone from his pants, "BRING EM OUT BOYS! I hand-picked five buff interns to throw the kids out of the copter into the lake for a wet entrance. Let's do this! From Total Drama Revenge of the Island, we have pants-wetting cadet Brick!"

"Reporting for season five of Total Drama, sir!" Brick proudly proclaimed as he fell into the waters below.

"We also have the ruthless jockette Jo, who was shockingly eliminated because of a pencil child."

Jo glared at the new host at the door of the helicopter, "Shut up Chef! You can kiss my-" before she could curse, a giant boot kicked her by the seat of her pants, and out of the plane, "AHHHHHHH!"

"Speaking of being beaten by a pencil child, we have the annoying athletic overachiever, Lightning!"

"Sha-Lightning didn't lose to Cameron!" Lightning shouted in denial, "Sha-Lightning won, cause I'm amazing! Sha-bam!" The jock was promptly shoved off.

"I was the first person to land in the water!" the jock proclaimed as he came up for air, "Sha-win!"

"Idiot." Jo rolled her eyes.

"Also returning," Chef continued, "Is fan favorite moonchild Dawn!"

"Greetings fellow competitors." Dawn peacefully waved before jumping out of the flying machine. Luckily for her an eagle soared by and she landed on it, flying through the skies. Unluckily for her, Chef got out his anesthetic gun out of his pants and shot the eagle, sending the creature and Dawn down to the seas.

"Curse you!" Dawn yelped slowly as she descended.

"I'm really starting to love this job." Chef laughed, "We also got the silent genius B!"

B simply gave a peace sign to the audience as he fell into the beginnings of his season five journey.

"Tanned Jersey-Shore reject Anne Maria!"

"Oh nah ah." Anne Maria shook her head, "I'm gonna ruin my shoes if I get in their!." Needless to say she got in there.

"Mutant-loving gamer boy Sam!"

"What?" the gamer asked as he descended, he didn't realize he was even in a season of Total Drama, as he was too into his game of Pac-Man.

"And finally, the annoying compulsive liar, Staci!"

"You know, my great great grandpa Pubert invented openings. Before then people used to just start things... wait, what?" the girl had confused herself as she landed into the blue liquid below her.

"And now!" Chef grinned as he rubbed his hands together, "From our first cast, we have the likes of failure jock Tyler.

"I'm gonna extreme belly flop into the season!" Tyler announced as he jumped. The poor boy landed front side first into the water, which felt like a soft, brick wall.

"What a loser." Jo laughed.

"Sir, are you all right?!" Brick asked as he hurried over to help, "That must have hurt."

"Ouch..." Tyler whispered before sinking.

"I've never seen such a bruised aura." Dawn gasped.

"Also returning is creepily obsessed fan girl, Sierra!"

"No!" Sierra screamed as she fought the intern who was trying to throw her out, "Just ten more pictures of the helicopter! The fans need it!" The purple haired girl was promptly thrown out, but she took pictures all the way down.

"Flirtatious geek, Cody!"

"Look out ladies!" Cody smugly grinned as he dropped, "It's the Codemiester!"

"You ain't that cute." Anne Maria scoffed.

"Manipulative queen bee Heather!"

"What a bunch of losers." Heather commented as she looked at those already in the water; nanoseconds later she was kicked out.

"Sarcastic bookworm, Noah!"

"Here we go again." Noah groaned as he landed in the lake.

"Crazy nut job Izzy!"

"I'm so excited!" Izzy exclaimed as she leaped out a window.

"Crazy girl! I'm gonna have to pay for that!" Chef barked, "Whatever, we also have scaredy cat teddy bear, DJ!"

"I'm tough now you guys!" DJ announced, "I'm fierce, I'm going to dominate! I'll-" DJ was shoved out, and the jock screamed for his Mama the way down.

"Wow DJ." Noah smirked, "You're so threatening, I'm practically shaking."

"You know DJ, I can give you fierceness lessons." Izzy grinned.

"I think I'm good..." the brickhouse responded as he swam away.

"You know." Staci began, "My great great great great-"

"Quiet." Sam commanded as he slapped his hand over her mouth, "I'm concentrating."

"My muscles need some encouragement." Lightning decided as he kissed them.

"Are you chatterboxes done yet?!" Chef asked, "Shaddup! Anyways, also coming to compete is calm and collected surfer girl Bridgette!"

"Let's do this!" the blonde cheered as she hopped from the airplane into the water.

"The sexy fruit, Mr. Coconut!"

As Mr. Coconut flashed his smile as he descended, millions of apples, bananas, and oranges around the world fainted.

"Greetings Mr. Coconut!" Dawn greeted as she rushed to the fruit, "I do hope we're on the same team. Say hi to B!"

B awkwardly waved at the fruit.

"Freak." Heather scoffed as she filed her wet nails.

"Didn't you become nice or something last time we competed?" asked an annoyed Bridgette.

"Ha! I wasn't really being nice." the Asian sneered, "It was all strategy."

"My strategy is to eat all the contestants." Izzy laughed as she chomped on the strategists arm.

"Augh!" Heather screamed, "Get he off of me!"

"No Izzy, please don't." Noah grinned.

"Angry psychopath, Eva!"

"I WILL DESTROY YOU ALL!" Eva roared as he cannon-balled into the sea bellow.

"Mommy." Brick whispered as he wet his pants in fear.

"Man, this is gonna be a loooong season." DJ sighed.

"Formerly feral home-school, Ezekiel!"

"Hi, eh." Ezekiel softly said as he fell into the ocean.

"You!" Heather screamed as she grabbed Zeke by the throat, "You cheated me out of a million dollars."

"Girl, you need to chill out." Anne Maria commented as she sprayed her hair, "He cheated me too, and don't see me chokin' him to death."

"And excuse me." Eva said as she got in Heather's face, "I distinctly remember you cheating ME out of a million dollars, SO SHUT UP YOU HYPOCRITICAL SCUM SUCKING WITCH!"

"Fine. Whatever." Heather scoffed as she let go of Ezekiel, and Izzy let go of her arm, because she felt the time was right.

"Thank you, Eva. " Ezekiel smiled.

"Sure ya sexist weirdo, but don't go and think I like you, I just hate her more than you. GOT IT?"

"Got it." Ezekiel gulped and swam off to keep to himself.

"Eva!" Izzy greeted as she glomped the muscular teen, "I've missed you. Were you boxing too many grapefruits in Peru that you couldn't come on the show?"

Eva smirked, "Nah, THE STUPID PRODUCERS JUST DIDN'T LET ME COMPETE. But I'm back, and I will win."

"Ooo! Want to have an alliance? It shall be glorious" the crazy red-head asked.

"You know Izzy. I'd like that. Your one of the, like five people on the Earth who I don't want to sack." then the two pals fist bumped.

"And finally, dimwitted blonde princess, Lindsay!"

"Lindsay!" Tyler cheered as he swam to the spot where she'd be landing.

"Hi Tyson, I mean Tyler! Look I'm flying!" Lindsay smiled as she flapped her hands, not flying at all.

"Idiot." Jo rolled her eyes.

"Hey, you used a word with three syllables." Noah interjected, "if you're gonna insult Lindsay, do it in ways she can at least understand."

"Shut up string bean." the blonde jock spat back.

"Oh I've missed you Linds." Tyler said warmly as he hugged his girlfriend.

"Me too Turkey- I mean Tyler." Lindsay giggled as they proceeded to make out. It was around this time Chef pulled back out his trousers.

"ATTENTION CAMPERS! SWIM TO THE SHORE FOR THE BEGINNING OF THE COMPETITION AND FURTHER INSTRUCTION! AND DO IT NOW! CHOP ! CHOP!"

"Sir yes, sir!" Brick saluted as he and many other began to swim.

"Can't I just stay here and drown instead?" Noah yawned as he reluctantly swam.

"Look out!" Lightning carelessly warned as he shoved people out-of-the-way while he swam, "Sha-Lightning is gonna get there first!"

"Hey! Don't be so careless. Your gonna hurt people!" Bridgette scolded, "I hope I'm not on his team."

"Let the fun begin!" Izzy cheered and fist pumped as all the campers went away... all except one.

A lone coconut sat in the middle of the lake, floating and smiling.

* * *

The nineteen campers who made it to the shore all groaned as they washed up.

"I don' t know about you guys..." Bridgette smiled as she cracked her back, "But that was a great swim."

"Speak for yourself." Noah panted, "Some of us aren't as athletically gifted."

B was coughing up all sorts of sea life that Dawn would put back into the lake right away.

"Where's Chris?!" Anne Maria demanded, " He is so gettin' a beat down for making us swim over here."

"Chris ain't hosting this year, you babies!" Chef announced as he walked up to them, "I am!"

"Are you serious!?" Sierra was wide-eyed, " This is the most shocking and unprecedented event in Total Drama History!"

"What happened to him?" Cody asked.

"It seems that dumping toxic waste, endangering children, criminal neglect, fraud, disturbing the peace, destruction of private property, and scandalous cheating are enough to get you locked up for a long time kids. So Chris will not be back for any Total Drama season, ever!"

At this news the campers let out a wild cheer at this information.

"Vengeance is mine, eh!" Ezekiel clapped.

"Serves the creepy jerk right." Heather grinned.

Oh dear friends." Dawn said, "I do not believe this will be the last we see of Chris."

"It is if the RMCP have anything to say about it." Chef Hatchet nodded.

Don't their name." Izzy hissed.

"I think those guys or awesome!" Tyler revealed, "They brought me to the hospital once after I was trampled at my horseback-riding lessons."

"Lightning wins every horseback riding race. Cause I win everything." Lightnings face went darkly cold, "And no bubble boy pencil is gonna stop me."

"Looks like jockstrap's a sore loser." Jo chuckled.

"I'm not a sha-loser!" Lightning lied to himself, 'I sha-won last season!"

"Actually..." Sierra reminded, "You didn't. And I have the stats to prove it."

"Sha-shut up!" the jock began to tear up, "I ain't ever losing to nerds like them!"

The nerds Lightning pointed at were Noah and Cody.

"Oh, we are just going to be the best of friends, I can tell." Noah sarcastically remarked.

"I'm not a nerd." Cody denied as he hopelessly flexed, "Right ladies?"

"...How do I put it gently?" Bridgette wondered.

"You're a total geek Cody." Heather jabbed, "Deal with it."

"Are you kids done with your soap opera?" Chef asked, "Shaddup and follow me to the bonfire pit where we'll explain the rules and teams and that junk."

With that, the kids begrudgingly walked with their new tormentor to where all but one would leave in the sad reality that they lost a million dollar competition.

"So Brick." Anne Maria asked as she walked along side him, "How was fashion school? Was it amazing?"

"I must report the opposite." Brick sighed, "I thought I was making beautiful clothes, but I was expelled and blacklisted for crimes against fashion."

"That's like, the most heinous crime ever!" Lindsay gasped.

"Aw, sorry Brick baby." Anne Maria apologized, "If it makes you feel any better, your army fatigue doesn't make me want to stab my eyes out."

"Why thank you Anne Maria." the cadet smiled, "I appreciate it."

"You smell that?" Sierra asked B, "It's the smell of a new TD ship. I'm gonna call it Branna-Maria."

B quickly walked away from the purple-haired fan, creeped out.

"Alright kids." Chef called out as they entered the bonfire area, "Find a seat."

"Okay Chef." Cody said as he and the others took their seats, 'Hows this season gonna go down? Are the cabins co-ed?"

"Can they not be?" Bridgette pleaded as she gave Cody a quick glare.

"My uncle Johnny came up with the idea of co-ed rooms." Staci chuckled, "He was beaten to death by a group of women.

"Will y'all shut your mouths so I can tell you!?" Chef boomed, "Now listen up you whiners! For the next twenty-one days you will be staying on this island competing in challenges, eating my gourmet food, and more dangerously, interact with each other. I'm sure you're gonna want to talk crap behind each others back, so we have the same confessional in the same place we've always kept it."

**TYLER:** This is going to be my season, bro! /fist pumps... and then bashes his knuckles into the roof./

**IZZY:** Hahahaha! Izzy is so excited for this season. It's gonna be fun! If not, I have my ways of making it fun.

"Now, I am very sure you kids are very excited to find what teams you'll be on." the cook chuckled.

"Oh I am so freaking excited Chefy-poo." Noah fake grinned, "Please tell me which of these fine people I'll have to spend time with against my will."

"Don't worry Noah." Heather scoffed, "If your on my team you will be the first one to go. Your useless anyways."

"What she said!" Lightning agreed, "Sha-wimp."

"Um, last time I checked..." Eva began as she stomped in front of the twosome, "... you're an idiot! And you're a scum sucking, short short wearing little traitor!"

**NOAH:** Iron woman's pretty decent. I must admit.

**HEATHER:** Oh no she did not just say what I think she just said. She is so gone!

**LIGHTNING:** I'm not an idiot! I'm a sha-winner. Sha-bam!

**EVA:** I really want to try to be calm and all, but I'm trapped on and island with a bunch of morons, so being calm is going to be DIFFICULT! /punches camera./

**B:** /grumbles to himself as he enters and starts to fix the broken camera. He was forced to by Chef./

"Come on guys." Bridgette insisted, "Can't we all just get along? Seriously, we just got here!"

"Yeah!" DJ nodded, "What Bridgette said!"

"What, are you two some kind of pacifist pansies?" Jo rolled her eyes.

"Well I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to have to do something very un-pacifist-like if y'all don't shut up and let me spew the seasonal exposition!" Chef shouted, getting their attention, "Alright, listen closely and don't move your mouths. The following campers are on the Screaming Coconuts...

Noah...

Cody...

Tyler...

B...

Mr. Coconut...

Eva...

Izzy...

Dawn...

Sierra...

and Lindsay..."

"Yays!" Lindsay clapped, "Me and Tyler are on the same team."

"This is awesome!" Tyler said, "Thanks a million Chef!"

"WHAT DID I JUST SAY ABOUT TALKING?!" the psycho Chef screamed in his face, "The rest of you...

Brick...

Sam...

Lightning...

Ezekiel...

DJ...

Staci...

Bridgette...

Anne Maria...

Heather...

and Jo will be on the Killer Apples. Now you guys go to your cabins and unpack, Apples get the cabin on the right while the Coconuts get the one on the left. Be back here in your ten minutes for your first challenge of the season!"

**CHEF HATCHET:** This episode is going to be wonderful to watch. Or at least it would be if I could get into the camera room! But Chris lost the key, the moron...

* * *

"I call top bunk!" Tyler announced as he raced into the room.

"Be careful now Tyler." Noah warned, "All this light jogging might cause you to hurt yourself."

**TYLER:** I don't really remember hurting myself that much.

"Yo Noah, mind if we share a bunk?" Cody asked.

"Why? So we can give our shippers more "evidence"? I don't think so. I'll take this bunk to myself." Noah informed as he claimed his own bunk. B shrugged at the situation and took the bottom bunk of the bed where Tyler was on the top.

**CODY:** I guess its fine that I have my own bunk. Once I score a girlfriend maybe we can share the bunk. /smooths back hair since he thinks he's cool./

"Hey guys." Cody said, "Mind of you guys look out for Sierra? I don't want her coming in during the middle of the night and giving me a foot rub. I still have nightmares. Horrible, creepy, disturbing-"

"We get it adjective boy." Noah shut him up, "We'll look out for the purple-haired creeper."

B nodded showing his support while Tyler gave him a thumbs up.

"Thanks guys." Cody sighed in relief.

* * *

"Oh my gosh!" Sierra squealed as she entered the cabin and almost immediately began taking selfies, "I have always wanted to be in a Wawanakwa cabin! This is awesome."

**SIERRA:** I'm living the dream!

**DAWN:** I just watched her aura do back flips, somersaults, and sing 'Hallelujah', gospel choir style. I don't have to sense anything to know this will be a very interesting season.

"There are so many memories in this place." Izzy grinned as she set her stuff down, "Ooo! A cockroach!"

"AUGH!" Lindsay screamed, "Please kill it with fire."

"Izzy can get fire." the red-head cackled as she pulled out a flame-thrower from her bag and fried the bug.

"Oh thank you!" Lindsay hugged Izzy, "Your my hero."

"The term would be heroine." Sierra corrected as she uploaded a fiery snapshot to the wiki.

"Izzy you're a psychopath!" Eva said, "And that is by far your best quality."

"How could you kill something so brutally?" Dawn gasped, "That little creature had a soul, feelings and hopes and dreams!"

"Well, deal with it hippie." Eva rolled her eyes.

"Hippie?" the moonchild raised her eyebrow.

"You heard me." the European grunted.

"Don't fight John and Ava." Lindsay pleaded, "You just met."

"Will I have to make a Dawn and Eva conflict page on the wiki?" Sierra asked.

"Don't worry." Izzy assured as she put her arm around Dawn, "That little guy probably had the biggest adrenaline rush of his life! And he's in cockroach heaven."

"Well." the light-blonde nodded, "He is one with nature. So I suppose he's fine."

**DAWN:** /heavy sigh./ This is going to be an experience that I won't ever forget, at least B is on my team. Er, not that I like him or anything. We're just good friends from last season is all.

* * *

"Sha-bam!" Lightning cheered as he and the other boys entered the cabin, "This is the winners cabin!"

"I won!" Sam cheered, talking about his game of course, "An extra life is earned to me!"

"Well gentlemen." Brick addressed, "I hope we all triumph in this game, both during the challenges, and when we're all hanging out before and after."

"I hear ya man." DJ agreed, 'I may be tough guy now, but I am no bully. I'm gonna be the sweetest tough guy I can possibly be!"

"Well I sha-simply refuse to be kind to no loser wimps." Lightning shook his head, "Particularly ones named Cameron."

"Solider..." Brick began as he winced from the fire in Lightning's eyes, "You know he's not competing this year, right?"

"Whatever." the jock ignored, "There's still losers like him."

Lightning pointed at Ezekiel, who was getting settled in.

"Oh don't worry, eh." Zeke reassured, "I don't want to be voted out first again, so I'm gonna do my very best!"

"Well, your sha-best is probably sha-crap!"

"Hey bro!" DJ interjected, "Be nice!"

**LIGHTNING:** Sha- winners don't have no time to be nice. They only have time to win. Which I will do because I'm sha-Lightning! /flexes./

**EZEKIEL:** /prepares to say something, but doesn't. He mumbles angrily to himself and stomps out of the confessional./

* * *

"You are not spraying this in here, Jersey shore reject!" JO shouted as she tried to take Anne Maria's spray can from her hands.

"Oh no no no." the hard-headed girl fought back, yanking her possession back, "You ain't takin' the thing that gives me my poof!"

"Girls. Don't fight." Bridgette said as she broke them up, "We literally just got here. How are you gonna do the challenge if you give each other black eyes?"

"My great great great grandfather Cloyd invented black eyes." Staci chimed in, before him, when people's eyes were punched they would turn green with orange spots!"

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever chatty fatty." Jo shot back. The compulsive liar growled back at her.

"Ugh..." Bridgette groaned, "I'm stuck in a cabin with a bunch of catty girls who are going to fight all the time."

"Oh cheer up Bridgette!" Heather fake-comforted her, "Maybe they'll all kill each other during one of their fights. And then we will have the cabin to ourselves!"

The blonde stared at the queen bee for five seconds before shaking her head and walking out of the cabin.

"That was called dark humor!" the female strategist called out, "Gosh, some people just cannot take a joke.

**BRIDGETTE:** /calming herself./ Have patience, have patience...

* * *

"Come on out kids!" Chef said loudly through his megaphone. All nineteen teens trickled out and eventually surrounded their host, "Your first challenge is a very simple one. As a matter of fact its more of an individual one than anything.

**HEATHER:** Oh good, I can't handle being with so many losers first thing in the afternoon.

"This time, you must hide from a woman who will be searching everywhere for you. When she finds you, she will spank you three times, signifying that you are nothing but a loser who lost the challenge. The last person not spanked wins the challenge for their team. The unfortunate losers will be voting off one of their own tonight. Any questions?"

"Yes." Noah said, not waiting or caring to be called on, "Who will be chasing us? Tell me you didn't bail some serial killer out of jail to do this."

"Actually." Chef Hatchet grinned, "Your chaser someone here happens to know VERY well. Cause your tormentor for the next twenty-two minutes is MAMA DJ!"

The campers gasped as the woman came out of the bushes grasping a wooden spoon.

"Hi smoochey poo!" Mama called out to her son, who nervously waved back, "What, no hello?"

**DJ:** Great, I came here to get away from my mama. Don't get me wrong, i still love her more than anything, but I was obsessed with her to an unhealthy degree. I think it was time for some space. hopefully she's only here for this challenge.

"Alright kids." Mama DJ started, "You have exactly ten seconds starting now to get a head-start from me. Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven!"

"Why are you all sha-running so fast?" Lightning laughed as he saw everyone else run off, "She's an old woman, she'll hurt her back after breathing to hard."

"Oh your butt is mine!" Mama DJ declared, "Six! Five! Four! Three!"

That's when Mama began to run toward Lightning at an incredibly fast rate.

"Sha-hey!" Lightning objected as he quickly began to back away, "You gave us a head start."

"Kids lose privileges when they decide to be smart mouths! Two!" the woman raised her spoon.

It was at this time the athletic overachiever realized he was in trouble and began sprinting away, screaming.

"One!"

* * *

Lightning was running through the woods for his very life, sprinting from the wrath Mama DJ was going to let loose on his posterior.

**LIGHTNING:** She's an old woman... she can't catch me, sha-right?

The black jock was still sprinting away, when he decided to look behind him. He saw a lot of trees, but no Mama DJ.

"Sha-booyah! I outran the old ba-" Lightning then learned the valuable lesson of always looking where your going, as the boy ran into a giant tree.

"Aw that hurts..." Lightning winced as a tear fell down his cheek. During his suffering, a shadow moved over him, that shadow belonged to Mama DJ, who had caught up with Lightning.

"You thought I was some slow old person?" she rhetorically asked, "WELL YOU WOULD BE FALSE."

She then proceeded to spank the arrogant guy three times, eliminating him first from the challenge.

"NO!" Lightning began to cry, " I sha-lost! This is impossible!"

"Oh don't be a bad sport you baby." Mama DJ commanded, "Go to the mess hall and wait for the challenge to be over."

Lightning ran off crying through the woods, not taking his loss well at all.

* * *

While most everyone else was running around, hiding, Noah was relaxing as he sat in his cabin bed, reading.

**NOAH:** Kids, here's a lesson for you all. When your wonderful and intelligent younger siblings temporarily blind you, don't sign anything they tell you to sign. Why? Well, the thing you sign might be a contract that forces you to compete in a stupid and suicidal television show when they want you to, and your life will suck.

"Ugh, I hope this season goes by quickly." Noah spoke out loud. Then, the door slammed open, it wasn't Mama DJ, but rather Chef Hatchet.

"What the- Noah! Your supposed to be hiding! Not resting in bed!" the new host scolded.

"Well Chef, I'm planning on simply hiding under my covers if I hear DJ's mother about to barge in here, which is why I've made a mess of my bed so my body won't bulge out." the schemer explained, "It a perfect plan to require little effort on my part."

"What if she catches you before you hide under the covers?"

"Do you really think I care?" Noah smirked, "At least it's a better plan than Lindsay over there."

Lindsay had half over her body hidden under a blanket of a top bunk, while one half stuck out.

"Is Maple PJ here yet?" the blonde inquired.

"She is now! And honey, its MAMA DJ" Mama said as she shoved Chef out-of-the-way and marched through the doorway.

"Well crap." Noah commented as he realize his plan was completely ruined since Mama DJ was right in his face.

"Turn around so I can spank your butt into next Tuesday!"

"Okay." the Indian teen agreed as the woman spanked him three times.

"Go back to the mess hall! You've lost."

I'm actually quite happy with that." Noah replied as he walked out of the cabin, "I can read in peace."

"I wouldn't count on it." Mama DJ called back, "That one jock is in there crying himself to death."

Then she looked at the half of Lindsay sticking out, walked, over, and spanked her butt.

"Ooo! Did I win?" the idiot asked sincerely.

"No!" Mama replied, " You lost. Go and wait for the challenge to be over!"

**LINDSAY:** How am I supposed to get a lifetime supply of lip gloss at this rate?

* * *

"Oh isn't the flora and fauna of this island just lovely?" Dawn said to B and Bridgette as they scadattled from the cabins into the forest, "Its aura is so much brighter now that all that horrible toxic waste is gone."

"You know Dawn, reading auras is a really amazing ability. How did you get it?" Bridgette asked. B nodded his head in approval signifying he really wanted to know to.

"Oh it is far too long of a story." the moonchild shook her head, "And it's filled with such violence."

"Violence?" Bridgette raised an eyebrow.

"Oh yes, I had to destroy a pack of ninjas so I could meditate in this certain temple. But that's much to long a story."

**B:** /has a notebook in his hands, it says, "That... sounds... awesome!'/

"How are you Bridgette? Did you get accepted into that Marine Biology school?"

"Hey, how did you know that?"

"Oh Bridge, dear, your soul reads like an open book."

"Is that a good thing?"

"Whatever floats your bloat."

**BRIDGETTE:** I'm not sure I like that answer.

After a few more minutes of walking they discovered a small lake.

"I have found my hiding spot!" Dawn cheered. She then swan dived into the lake.

"I wonder how long she can last in there?" Bridgette asked herself. When she turned to walk away, she caught sight of B cutting open a rock so he could hide in it. But she also saw the silent genius give a loving gaze towards Dawn.

"You like her?, don't you?" Bridgette teased. B blushed like mad and furiously shook his head 'no' before jamming is fat body into the hole he made in the rock, "Well, I guess I'm all by myself."

**BRIDGETTE:** Dawn and B are really weird. But they seem really sweet and chill. I wish I was on their team.

* * *

Brick and Anne Maria were running side by side away from the campgrounds into the forest.

"Ma'am, you can really run!" Brick complimented.

"Oh, thanks Brick." The tan girl nodded as she continued to run, "My mom made me do Cross Canada or somethin'. But I got kicked out after da first meet."

"What happened?"

"I stopped too much to spray my hair. But c'mon! Look at me and my poof. It has to come first. Speaking of which..." Anne Maria pulled out her can and began to spray her hair, making the air not exactly breathable.

**BRICK:** Anne Maria a fine teammate. I'll just have to avoid her when she's spraying her hair. Because wowee. /a hairspray cloud has made its way into the confessional, and the boy promptly begins hacking./

"Ahh!" the jersey shore reject screamed as she screeched to a halt.

"What's wrong?" Brick asked as he rushed to her aid. The girl was pointing to a rather large cockroach.

"That is disgusting! Kill it with fire!"

"Aw, it's not that gross." Brick chucked as he let it crawl on his finger.

**BRICK:** I've been to a boot camp. So that barely qualifies moderately disgusting.

"Sorry for freakin' out." Anne Maria apologized, "I am not a fan of gross things at all. I just can't stand dem."

"Well, hate to break it to you, but your going to have to get used to gross things. Disgusting stuff surrounds you on this island."

"Yeah, that's true. But I will avoid it. I'll spray every disgusting crap-like thing until it shrivels up and dies!" Anne Maria disturbingly declared. Brick almost wet his pants at the force in her voice.

"Um, well good luck with that ma'am." the cadet nervously laughed. they then heard the screams of Lightning close by, followed by three smacks, "Oh no! She's coming! We have to run!"

And run they did.

* * *

"Five hundred-seven! Five hundred-eight! Five hundred-nine!" Jo grunted as she did sit-ups on her hiding place, the roof of the mess hall, "Five hundred-ten! Phew!"

The jockette wiped her brow as she looked into the sky.

"No one can stand in my way." Jo cackled, "I am going to dominate this game. Particularity this challenge, no way that old bag is gonna climb up here."

* * *

"Ugh..." Cody groaned. The geek was already tired from a short run through the forest, "Man, I really need to work out. Get fit and impress the ladies."

**CODY:** Obviously I'm still a flirtatious ladies man. I can't help it, how else am I going to use my manly charms?

As Cody walked around, he discovered a purple-haired super fan.

"Sierra!" Cody exclaimed. This caused the girl to turn from her contraband laptop, "Oh no... here it comes. I hope she doesn't ask me for a foot rub."

"Oh, hi Cody!" Sierra warmly greeted, quickly turning back to what she was typing.

"Hi?" Cody said to himself, "All she said was hi? That's it? No tackling or drooling on my face?"

Cody didn't know what to say, he was shocked.

"I guess I should be relieved." the brunette nervously chuckled, "She's not obsessed with me anymore, which is, like, a good thing."

Cody decided he did not have anything better to do, and went over to make conversation.

"Hey Sierra, whatcha doing?"

"Aww, are you keeping me company? How sweet!"

"What? No, I'm not- Well I am. But it's not romantic. I don't have a crush or you or want to make babies! Please no foot rubs!" Cody was freaking the heck out.

"Why are you so nervous?" Sierra giggled, "I don't have a crush on you anymore."

"... What?"

"I know, shocking." Sierra said, "But I've moved on, and I'm getting less into Total Drama. I mean I still love it, I'm making a blog post on the wiki as we peak, but I was unhealthily obsessed with it. My therapist says I am getting a lot better."

"Wow..." the techie was absolutely stunned, "I don't know what to say. "

"I know, after how absolutely insane I was it must be very odd to hear me saying these things, but after I accepted Jes-"

A rustling was heard in the bushes.

"What was that?" Cody asked nervously. His answer was given to him as Mama DJ pounced on them from the buses.

"Your fannies are mine!" she declared as she grabbed Cody and spanked him in the bottom three times.

"Run Sierra!" Cody called out, "Save yourself!"

"Way ahead of you!" Sierra called back, already sprinting off. Unfortunately, she ran straight into a random spot of quicksand, "Dang it! I of all people should have known about this!"

In a matter of moments, Mama DJ found and spanked her.

"Join Cody and report to the mess hall! You're a loser!"

"Okay." Sierra nodded, "But, LOL, could you help me out of here please?"

Mama rolled her eyes and quickly yanked her out of where she was trapped. Sierra thanked the woman and left, but not before putting some of the Wawanakwa sand in her pockets.

**SIERRA:** What? I may not be that obsessed anymore, but I still like collecting memorabilia.

* * *

"Stupid branches!" Heather cursed as one bashed her in the face. Shortly after the queen bee cursed the roots of the same tree once she hurt herself tripping over it.

"Argh! I hate this place!" the Asian screamed, sending birds flapping into the skies. Unfortunately she disturbed Sasquatchinakwa with her loud voice, and said the creature began to chase the girl, causing her to get more branches to the face.

**HEATHER:** I. Cannot. Stand. This. Stupid. Show. Once I win the money I'm going to firebomb this place to ashes.

"Stop chasing me you freak of nature!" Heather shrieked and panted. As she raced for her life she caught in her eye a random shed and quickly ran to it.

"Please don't find me..." she pleaded to herself as she hid behind the flimsy building. The purple creature had luckily lost sight of her, and started to cry because of it, running away back to cave he crawled from.

"Ha! Yes!" Heather cheered. The teen quickly realized how stupid it was to cheer loudly, and quickly entered the shed to hide, "This is perfect. I'll hide from the stupid Yeti or whatever that thing is called. AND I'll hide from Mama DJ in here, perfect strategy for this challenge. Chef made it too easy."

The word 'strategy' made Heather remember something, she may have had a good strategy for the challenge, but she didn't really have one for the game. To make a long story short, this was not a good thing at all.

"Hmm, let's see. Think Heather, you're the master manipulator, the greatest adversary this game has ever and will ever see... I could manipulate one of the newbies. Yeah, I'll... wait, no I can't. One of them is a fat nerd, one of them's Eva 2.0, that fat pink one is the most irritating person in the game, and the rest definitely are gonna see through my playing of them... Well, I could pretend to be nice..." the last statement made Heather crack up.

**HEATHER:** Crap. I am so screwed. I, Heather, do not have a strategy. What am I going to do? How on earth will I win my million dollars without strategy?!

Heather was bug-eyed and going insane. She had not had block in her brain for making a plan for something since daycare.

"I could-No! That's the stupidest thing I have ever thought. Lindsay would scoff at that. maybe I will-No! I can manip-No! AUGH!" the queen bee let out one last scream as an intern came in through the door, looking for a mop. He was a black-haired, pudgy little guy sporting the normal red intern uniform and glasses.

"Uh... Can I help you miss?" he asked. Heather looked up, wide-eyed and suddenly grabbed him.

"Are you someone who works for the show?!" she demanded. The frightened intern nodded slowly, "Then wanna be in an alliance with me?! You help me whatever the heck I want and I give you some of the prize money. Deal?!"

"Um, yeah, sure I guess."

"Great!?" Heather squealed as she began to do a happy dance. .

**INTERN:** So that happened.

As Heather danced Mama DJ barged in and spanked her.

"What the?" Heather questioned as her good mood and craziness got spanked right out of her, "How did you find me?"

"Shut your mouth and head over to the mess hall. You're a loser."

**HEATHER:** The old bag knows nothing. I have a strategy, so shall reign over bunches of losers. Bwahahahahaha!

* * *

The sounds and music of Pac-Man filled the forest as Sam wandered along never realizing he was competing in a million dollar game.

**SAM:** /wanders in and talks to himself./ Woo hoo! New high score! I'm thirty-seven percent of the way there! /wanders back out./

"Almost got it..." the gamer said, "Yes! A thousand bonus points!"

As the brunette rejoiced, Mama DJ stumbled upon him and gave him three spankings.

"Boy, you didn't even try." mama scolded, "Go to the mess hall."

"Yeah, yeah." Sam ignored as he nonchalantly walked to the mess hall anyways.

"It's like a disease." the woman shook her head, "These kids and their screens."

**MAMA DJ:** First thing I'm gonna do when I am the prime minister is ban any teenager from using electronics. They can go fly kites or something.

* * *

"If I'm going to have to hide for God-knows-how-long, I'm getting a freaking snack." Eva grumbled as she and Izzy raided the camp kitchen, "Ooo! Mutton!"

"This is so much fun!" Izzy giggled as she threw a bunch of knives into her bag of food, "I love knives."

"Are you going to eat them or something, Iz?"

"Of course! Its my fourth favorite food!"

"Your such a weirdo."

"Thank you!"

"I knew you'd say that." Eva chuckled. For a few more minutes they cleared out the camp kitchen of all its good food and knives, they proceeded to sneak out.

"I cannot believe someone who had all this good food makes such crap." the angry girl scoffed.

"Izzy has a theory about that. I think when he was nine, he was cooking a dinner all by himself, and it was super good, like quality food. But then a bunch of clowns broke into the kitchen he was in and beat him up. So now he has a phobia of cooking good food."

"How did you know that?!" Chef bellowed as he stood in the doorway, "The eliminated campers out there told me you dared to sneak in and steal all my good food. I was gonna eat it all myself. Drop the food NOW!"

"What?" Eva laughed, "Are you supposed to intimidate us? You don't scare me."

"I've beaten you up, you marshmallow." Izzy cackled, "So I really don't see I'm supposed to be scared of you, even a little bit."

"Well you should be scared of me." Mama DJ declared as she shoved Chef out-of-the-way, "Your butts are mine!"

"I don't think so." Eva smiled. Izzy then kicked the spoon out of the hands of DJ's mother , sending it behind the fridge.

"You brats!" Mama spat as she ran to get her wooden spanking device. The female twosome then plowed through Chef Hatchet like he was nothing.

"I don't get paid enough for this..." he moaned in pain.

**IZZY:** That was soooo much fun. /laughs hysterically./

**MAMA DJ:** It took me more than five minutes to find that spoon! They are going down!

**EVA:** /laughing./ I don't think I laughed so much since... well, ever.

**CHEF HATCHET:** I just realized, now that I'm head of the show, I get paid what Chris was paid. So I do get paid enough for this, more than enough! /claps./

* * *

**TYLER:** I lost track of Lindsay, so I'm gonna use my amazing skills of flexibility! Extreme flexibility!

Tyler opened the doors to the bathroom and tip toed in and made sure he was alone. After, he got in a sink and began to disgustingly bend his own body so that it would fit entirely in the sink.

"And..." Tyler said as he bent the last muscle, "Got it! ha ha! no one will ever find me here!"

* * *

"My second cousin twice removed invented bulldozers. Boy could I really use one now." Staci grumbled as she walked through the seemingly never-ending forest. The compulsive liar was not a happy camper, she was hurt and lost.

**STACI:** /sniff/ You know, it's not easy being a compulsive liar. Everyone just writes you off as an annoying fat girl and never gives you a chance. They just don't understand that I annoy myself just like I annoy them. They don't know that I fight my constant lying... but it's not like they care.

"They think I'm just some loser. Ha!" Staci darkly laughed, "I am going to win this thing. They won't see it coming, just like the opponents of my great great great gre- NO!" the pink wearing girl screamed as she punched a tree, "No more lying!"

**DAWN:** I feel a disturbance.

"Why can't I just stop lying." Staci groaned. Those groans turned into tears as she just sat in a fetal position in the woods, no one hearing her cries. No one, except another someone who was eliminated first.

"Hey, eh. Are you alright?" Ezekiel asked as he watched her from the trees.

"Wha- What?" Staci choked, "Are you watching me? Get out of here you creeper, leave me alone!"

"I'm not a creeper!" Ezekiel insisted, "Well, not anymore. I was just hiding in the tree's from DJ's mom when I heard you crying, eh.

"Whatever." the compulsive liar responded, "Just leave me be."

"Your feelings are hurt and you have no self-esteem, eh."

"...How'd you know?"

"I know that feeling all to well."

"Hey. Your that Zeke kid!" Staci finally recognized, "You were voted off first too! But twice."

And I turned into a zombie, eh." the Canadian grimaced, "And nobody even cared."

"I didn't go through what you did. But nobody cared about me either. Heck, a couple of them last season ignored me and almost let me drown!"

"That's terrible, eh."

"...I know this feels wrong." Staci sighed, "But like my great great great great great aunt Marge, I want revenge."

"Its funny." Zeke darkly chuckled, "I kinda want some revenge too."

Ezekiel hopped dow from the tree he was in and plopped down right next to Staci. They both sat there in silence, thinking.

"We..." Staci stuttered,"We have to show them we are not losers."

"Yeah, eh." Ezekiel agreed, "They need to pay for being such jerks to us and just ignoring are existence!"

"Yah! I mean, we weren't that annoying."

"Not at all. If they would have talked to us and heard our stories they would know why we did and said the things we did."

"Let's join forces." The compulsive liar nodded, "And last underdog alliance if you will."

"You know, I would really like that, eh." Zeke evilly grinned. Then the two shook hands and began to plot for the season.

* * *

Bridgette walked cautiously through the forest, just wandering around as she avoided Mama DJ's spoon of wrath. The normally calm and collected surfer girl was on an edge, thinking every little creature might be the woman she was hiding from.

**BRIDGETTE:** My biggest fear is being in the forest all alone, so this isn't an ideal situation.

"Hi Bridgette!" a voice greeted from the trees, "How ya doing?"

"Augh!" Bridgette screamed, putting up her fists to defend herself. The blonde looked up and saw DJ of all people, waving down to her.

"Did I scare you?" the brick-house asked, "Oops, sorry!"

"It's fine DJ." Bridgette sighed in relief, "I'm just glad you aren't your mother."

"...Let's not talk about her. I'm trying to distance myself from her."

"Why?"

"I am a tough guy now remember? I'm a hardcore manly man." at this statement, the girl doubled over in laughter, "Thanks Bridge. I knew I could count on you to be a supportive friend."

"Sorry dude." she wiped a laughter tear from her eye, "I just never thought of you to want to be tough. You don't seem like that kind of person..."

"Yeah, well I'm tired of being a crybaby wuss, I'm ready to become a man."

"Well, I know you can." Bridgette smiled, "But don't forget what a man really is, you don't need to be like Duncan or Al."

"I intend to be the nicest manly man I can be." DJ winked. Then, Mama DJ came out of the bushes and grabbed Bridgette.

"Aw crap." Bridgette moaned as she was swatted thrice.

"Your a loser! Report to the mess hall." the older woman commanded.

"Well that is that." Bridgette sighed, "Good luck DJ!"

DJ, you get down here right now!" called his Mama.

"What?! No! Of course not!"

"You be obedient, son."

"Mama, I'd lose. Why do you think all my teammates are hiding?"

"And if all your teammates jump off a-"

"MAMA! I love you, but you need to give me space!" DJ yelled. His Mama looked up at him in shock and sadness, "I'm sorry Mama, but I will NOT come down."

"Fine." DJ's mother scoffed, "Don't listen to me. But you will get down from that tree. Whether you like it or not."

**DJ:** /sighs/ I feel bad yelling like that, man. But she was completely unreasonable!

* * *

Chef Hatchet had just broken into Chris' trailer, and was enjoying the heck out of all its features.

"This is the life." Chef happily sighed as he reclined in the sauna. Just as he had almost forgotten about his Total Drama problems, he noticed the camera man standing in the room taking up space.

"What the heck do you want?! You should be out filming that old bag chase all those wimpy brats!"

"Its commercial break, sir."

"So?"

"You have to say something. Tell them to stay watching and pump them up for when we come back."

"Fine." Chef grunted as he turned angrily towards the camera and glared, "I hope you like the show! Stay tuned or I will find you and break your legs! Is that good enough?"

"Yup."

* * *

_Ta-da! The first episode is complete! Wasn't it beautiful? I don't know, but I hoped you guys enjoyed it. If you think its worthy and your not a lazy bum like I am, leave a review. Tell me what you liked, didn't like, and any constructive criticisms you may have. God bless everyone, and see ya next time with,_ Fifth Season Blues Part 2.


	2. Fifth Season Blues Part 2

_A/N: Hey guys! Its the second episode. it is on the short side (unintended). But I promise that won't be a normal thing. I hope you'll still like it. Enter disclaimer here._

_Now on with the show!_

* * *

**FIFTH SEASON BLUES ~ PART 2**

Dawn somehow sighed happily underwater as she saw the beautiful life dance around her. The toxic waste had been removed entirely and everything had all but returned to normal. From the sea weed dancing to the large schools of fish swimming by, it all looked lovely.

**DAWN:** Nature is beautiful. Sometimes I wish I could just live with nature all the time.

As the moonchild swam around, she came across a little fish that she sensed was looking for his daddy. She listened to the fishes cries and agreed to help the little thing. She looked to the creature's aura and after she had memorized it, looked for auras that were similar. The light blonde sensed something west and gestured for the fish to follow her. As they fought the current they found a small sea ditch covered with algae. Inside was an old hair gel package, the kind Chris always used. Stuck inside was the young fish's father. Dawn was very determined to free the poor soul and using her small fingers was able to maneuver the thing out, freeing him forever. As the happy reunion took place, Dawn put the gel bottle in her skirt, so no creature would ever get stuck in it again. The fish gave off such aura of thankfulness that Dawn was overjoyed.

The joy, unfortunately, was abruptly ended as something big jumped into the sea and grabbed Dawn. That something was Mama DJ and spanked the nature-lover three times. Dawn almost drowned but got to air quick enough where she gasped for breath. Up on the shore was B, who had been found minutes before.

"Oh why must you destroy the tranquility of nature?" Dawn pouted and crossed her arms.

"Enjoy the tranquility of the mess hall where all the losers go!" Mama DJ shot back, "Because that's what you are."

Dawn just sighed and got out of the water. As she walked on she had some sadness in her. B felt it and ran over and gave her a hug and pat on the head.

"Huh?" the moonchild was a bit startled at first by the hug. But when she saw who it was her aura went 'awwwww', "Oh, B why are you doing this?"

B just shrugged and blushed a little bit.

**DAWN:** /swooning with her eyes shut./ I suppose he gave me that hug because I was sad. Perhaps I am not the only one here who can sense people's feelings. /giggles./

**B:** /blows on his fist then wipes it on his jacket, winking at the camera.

**MAMA DJ:** /crying./ I saw the whole thing. It was so romantic and beautiful. Those young ones need to cherish that love. Gurl, I ship them!

* * *

DJ sat on his branch as he waited for the challenge to be over.

"Ahh..." the teddy bear let down his new tough guy exterior to enjoy the nature around him. One piece of nature came in the form of a squirrel, an insanely cute and fluffy little squirrel.

"Aww, look at you." DJ cooed as he pet the creature.

"Well son, looks like your not so tough after all." Mama DJ chuckled on the ground below. This scared the living daylights out of DJ, causing him to smack the poor squirrel of the tree.

"No!" DJ shrieked in regret, "Mama, why'd you make me do that?!"

"I am not making you do nothing except fall out of this tree."

"And how will you do that? Are you gonna climb up here?"

"Nope." Mama DJ smirked and pulled out a chainsaw. Despite DJ's screams of fear, his mommy brought that tree, and subsequently her son, down to the forest floor.

"Ow..." DJ winced as he rubbed his head. He felt more pain in his butt as it was brutally spanked three times.

"Report to the mess hall, dear." she commanded, "You're a loser! But still a winner at heart."

"No need to make me feel good Ma." DJ rolled his eyes as he walked away, "I am not some little kid anymore."

**MAMA DJ:** What has happened to my smoochy poo? He's not accepting my loving compliments anymore! /growls./

**DJ:** /sighs./ Why won't my Mama just leave me be? I'm a young man now!

* * *

Brick and Anne Maria were very tired after sprinting through the forest for so long and decided to stop.

"Well..." Anne Maria panted, "I think we've gone far enough."

"Affirmative." Brick gasped before he collapsed on his face.

"Oh goodness!" the tanned girl gasped as she rushed to his aid, You okay, Brick baby?"

"Yes ma'am." the cadet affirmed, "Just tired. Haven't ran like that since boot camp. You could certainly dominate me in a race."

"Pffft. Naw, you just needed some practice. You seem pretty brawny."

"Well, um, thank you! Thank you a lot! You a very pretty young woman, who seems kind."

Anne Maria blushed a bit at the compliment.

**ANNE MARIA:** Maybe I was wrong about Brick. Maybe he is attractive in a way.

Right as Brick was about to stand back up, someone grabbed his legs and dragged him into the bushes. This caused the jersey girl to scream louder than the spanking the unibrowed solider received.

"Run!" Brick insisted, "Its DJ's mom!"

"Don't give her hints! Report to the mess hall since you are now a loser. An honorable one, but still a loser." Mama DJ said as she climbed out of the bushes. But by the time she had already done so, Anne Maria had taken Brick's advice and ran off.

**BRICK:** Run on, Anne Maria. You are an honorable solider whom I'm glad to have on my team. /salutes./

* * *

"Now this is good eating!" Izzy cackled as she downed another bag of M n' M's. Eva, however, looked like she was gonna throw up.

"Ugh." she groaned as she put down a bag of cheese puffs, "I think I ate too much. STUPID CHEESE PUFFS BEING TO FREAKING DELICIOUS!"

As the angry psycho laid a redundant beat-down on the chip bag, Izzy cheered her on.

"Yeah! Go Eva! Show that trans-fat coated beatifulness who's boss!"

After laying down the last swing Eva sighed with a bit of sad frustration.

"Izzy?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think I'm too angry and mean?

"Well that is not a fun question." Izzy thought, "Well, Izzy thinks your're just fine! Other people may think so, though. Why?"

"I don't know." the muscle buff grunted as she got up to wash off her stained hands, "I just feel as if-"'

Her development as a person abruptly ended when the sink she went to was, unfortunately for him, occupied by Tyler who had been there earlier.

"What the?!"

"Eva? Was that you eating?" Tyler asked in his pretzel position, 'You sounded like you were tearing apart someone!"

"What?!" Eva snarled, 'Are you saying I'm such a psycho I'd be mauling someone?!"

"What?" The brunette went wide-eyed in fear, No no no, I just was-"

"WELL SHUT UP YOU PATHETIC MORON!" the girl said as she grabbed Tyler and through him out the window, "YOU KNOW NOTHING!"

"Okay." Izzy began as they ignored Tyler cries and a swat sound, "If you don't want to be considered an angry weirdo, you soooo shouldn't do that."

"Yeah." Eva sighed, "I know... Iz, do you think you'd be able to help me out? You know, to get calmer?"

"Like of course!" the red-head agreed as they stood up, 'You are like, my best friend here! I'd totally help you."

"Thanks." Eva actually smiled and gave the crazy a hug, who warmly accepted it back. They unfortunately did this at the wrong time as DJ's mother discovered them and swatted their fannies.

"Whoa, you got us." Izzy laughed as she broke the hug.

"I did and that means you've lost! So get over it and head to the mess hall." the spanker shouted, "I ought to swat you extra for making me lose my spoon!"

"I am okay with, to be honest. Eva smirked as they left, 'I surprising don't really feel like raging."

"See!" Izzy beamed, 'Your already learning!"

* * *

Fifteen of the campers had been discovered by Mama DJ, as there were fifteen losers chilling out in the mess hall. The room had been forcefully divided in two. The table by the door was for the Screaming Coconuts, and the one by the kitchen was the table for the Killer Apples.

"Hush now." DJ said as he rocked Lightning in one arm and fed him powder protein in the other, "Please, please don't cry anymore. no one wants to hear you."

Brick and Bridgette were having a nice conversation about teamwork.

"I can't tell you how refreshing it is that I have a teammate who is actually nice and normal." Bridgette smiled.

"I hear ya." Brick smiled, "Sometimes its hard to keep your head in the game when people are giving you a hard time. But you seem like a strong person. You'll get through this game fine."

"Aw, thanks Brick." the blonde smiled even larger, "Hopefully my clumsiness won't cause us to lose any challenges."

"I am pretty sure it won't. Besides, we all make mistakes."

"Hey you two." Heather approached.

"No, we do not want to be in an alliance." the surfer girl informed flatly.

"I'm not asking you for an alliance!" the queen bee responded, "I just wanted to asked if you have noticed that those losers-"

"Don't call my men losers." Brick demanded.

"You know what, screw you guys!" Heather fired as she stormed off.

"Is she always like that Bridgette?"

"Unfortunately yes."

As their conversation continued, Sam was sitting on the opposite end, still in his own little world. The Screaming Apples were having a decent enough time. B and Dawn had taken a nap and were leaning on each other. Lindsay was looking through photos of her on the wiki with Sierra.

"Oh my gosh I look so cute in that pic!" the blonde squealed as another snapshot came on the screen, "Ewww, but I do not look good in that one."

"Oh you look fine." Sierra said, "Oh look, another vandal, better aler- Dang it! Thant phoniex guy beat me to it! Again!"

Cody was rocking out to his tunes on his contraband ipod, looking like more of a dork than usual.

"Hey Noah." Izzy greeted as she creeped up upon him, "Whatcha doing?"

"Reading Moby Dick." Noah answered, accustomed to Izzy sneaking up on him.

"Ooo! You have a potty mouth!"

"What do you want Izzy? You clearly want something."

"That is correct! Give the egghead a prize! Izzy wants to know if you will help Eva with her anger issues. Your sarcasm can help her test her patience"

"Iron woman wants to work on her social skills?" Noah retorted as she looked to her and Tyler, the two having a push up contest, "Eh, why not."

"Really? You're saying yes just like that?"

"Um, yeah."

"I'm surprised you didn't put up a fight and start crying about how it was too much effort."

**IZZY:** That was easy! /bites her arm./

**NOAH:** What can I say? Their the only real friends I have except for Owen who isn't even here. So I'm fine helping out. Have nothing better to do... and does my head really look that much like an egg? /Feels head in self-consciousness./

* * *

"And then we will take Brick with us to the final three, where we will tease him into despair." Staci explained, "And then he will be so insecure that he will lose whatever challenge. And that will lead us into the final two where we'll split the prize money. Sound good?"

"Yeah, eh! We are gonna show them who the real losers are." Ezekiel grinned, "But do you think our tactics are a bit much?"

"Huh? Yah, I guess so. But who cares?"

"I know, but isn't eliminating Heather by framing her for blowing up an orphanage over the top, eh? How would that even work?"

"Zeke, you gotta-"

"I think maybe we should just-"

"Zeke!" Staci shouted, "You need to not be afraid to get ruthless. Anyone whose anything in this game has been. While your point about our plans for Heather are true, and we'll change them, you shouldn't even give a crap. My mother never did and neither do those idiots that are our competition. If they don't care, why should you care?! Have you forgotten how everyone left you to die as a zombie-like thing?!"

"... you are right. What was I thinking, eh." the homeschooled spat, "Let's show them what we first boots are really made of."

As they both cackled, another cackle came up from the trees as Mama DJ jumped upon and then spanked them.

"What the heck, eh!" Ezekiel cringed from the pain of the crushing.

"Report to the mess hall, ya losers."

"Yah, yah." Staci grumbled as she and her alliance partner walked away, "And I thought I was fat...

* * *

**ANNE MARIA:** /enters the confessional./ Oh good, no one's here. I'll just stay in here and hide from Mama DJ. She's probs already looked in here. /takes out hairspray from poof./ Plus I could spray my poof without botherin' nobody! I have lungs of steel after all. /As the gurl sprays her hair, the sound of it luers Mama DJ into the confessional booth. and she come in. Anne Maria doesn't notice that she is spanked thrice because of tall the hairspray in the air. Mama DJ shakes her to get her attention./ What da?! How'd you find me?!

**MAMA DJ:** Doesn't matter child! Report to the mess hall of loserdom! /As the woman pointed towards the door, Anne Maria groaned and left./

* * *

As Anne Maria came to the mess hall with the stench of losing, Jo had watched her. Everyone she had seen swimming with her as the teens came on the island had showed up, and her team she thought should have won by now.

"Hey, what gives? The last loser from the other team came in a while ago" Jo ranted. But what the poor girl did not realize is that the last Screaming Coconut had not yet been found, but Mama knew this.

"Gurl, shut your mouth." Mama DJ commanded as she climbed up to the roof.

"Um, I don't need help down, old lady." the jockette sneered.

"You will when you start crying that you went and lost the challenge!"

"What?! I'm the only one you haven't spanked! my team should have won!"

"That's where you're wrong, brat! there is one I have not spanked. And he's about to win."

* * *

As DJ's mother revealed this fact a coconut washed up onto the shores of Wawanakwa. And not just any regular coconut, but Mr. Coconut.

**JO:** I forgot about the stupid coconut?! /rages./

* * *

"And Mr. Coconut wins for the Screaming Coconuts!" Chef announced. This caused the nine other members of the team to cheer. B even did the bernie in celebration.

"We did it Tyler!" Lindsay squealed as she and him began to make out.

"Fist bump?" Cody offered Noah. The bookworm looked at the fist offered to him and rolled his eyes before accepting. Directly after, Izzy glomped his egghead.

"Do we have rewards this season?" Sierra asked.

"LOL, nope. Just be happy with winning you ungrateful brats!" Chef commanded.

**TYLER:** We won, bros! This is awesome!

**EVA:** My team has no excuse for losing. If the coconut can dominate, we all can dominate. /smirks./ And dominate we will.

The losing tam, obviously, did not take part in their joy.

"We lost?!" Lightning gasped,"No! SHA-WAAAH!"

"Um..." Bridgette said as he awkwardly bent down and patted Lightning's back, "There, there."

"I would just like to point out that me and Staci should not be voted out first, eh." Ezekiel stated, "As we we're one of the last people to get caught."

"Yah." Staci nodded as if on cue, "We losers did better than most of you more experienced players."

"While there is no need to boast." Brick narrowed his eyes, "I feel they are correct. They did do exceptionally well as did Jo and Anne Maria. I wouldn't vote them off."

**HEATHER:** Whatever, their still losers on the social scale.

"Man, I almost forgot that we have to vote people off." DJ snapped his fingers, "I don't want to vote anyone off. You're all great people."

"Well I don't know about you guys, but Lightning thinks you all should get the boot." the jock said as his sadness turned to annoyance, "You are all losers. How could you let the team down!"

"Um, jockstrap." Jo reminded as she smacked him upside the head, "You lost first!"

"That was a fluke!" Lightning insisted, "That old woman is just prejudiced towards darker skinned people!"

"Dude, you do realize she has dark skin too? Right?" DJ questioned.

"Umm..." The arrogant loser even realized the problem with that statement, "... well, whatever! I'm still a strong player! I just... I just let my guard down I sha-guess. But it won't sha-happen again! Please don't vote me off."

"Beggin' won't get ya nowhere, hon." Anne Maria said. This caused Lightning not to run off screaming and crying, but to walk away with his head hung low.

**BRIDGETTE:** Normally I don't feel bad about voting off poor sports, and Lightning is clearythe poorest sport of all. But something about his sadness seemed deeper than just losing. As if some outside force was afflicting him. Hmmm... I'll talk to Dawn about this later.

**SAM:** /wanders in./ Woot! Woot! A new and improved high score! /wanders out./

"Well I think we all agree on who to vote off tonight." Jo nodded.

"Agreed." Brick responded, "Lighting must go. I hate to say so, but I hope he understands its due to his attitude."

"But must he?" Staci wondered, "I mean, he is an annoying idiot, but he did have a point about being a strong player. We could use his brute strength in some challenges."

"Well then who do you think we should vote off?" Heather sneered, "Miss-Chatty-first-boot."

Staci and Ezekiel looked at the each other and grinned, "Well..."

**HEATHER:** /surprised and wide-eyed./ For two useless wastes of cells they really had good reasoning behind their choice. Plus, I hate that kind of person anyways. Like, hate, hate.

* * *

The moon was full as the ten members of the Killer Apples sat at the bonfire, ready for the elimination ceremony. Ezekiel and Staci sat in the very back, and they gave evil smirks to each other. Bridgette, sitting next to them, noticed this and raised an eyebrow. Sam was sitting to the right, still playing his Pac-Man game. Heather was sitting next to the gamer, filing her nail as she impatiently waited for the ceremony to start. DJ sat in the front with Brick and Anne Maria, who were chatting it up. This chatting was noticed by Jo, who was next to a worried Lightning.

**LIGHTNING:** I am sha-worried. What if they send me home? I can't fail pops again! I don't think he'd allow it!

**JO:** Why's Jersey Girl and Brick chumming it up together? Are they forming an alliance? Hmm...

Chef finally showed up and took his place at the podium, holding a tray of cookies.

"Welcome campers, to your first elimination ceremony. You kids have all done this before, if I call your name and give you this immunity cookie, your safe. If you do not get you name called, you will not get a cookie and will be eliminated from the competition. And I don't lie like Chris, so when I say you are never coming back, your NEVER coming back."

"How are we leaving this season?" DJ asked, "Is it the boat of losers or something?"

"Or is it the catapult, yah?" Staci added.

"Actually no." the veteran laughed, it's a giant toilet. When you are eliminated you will be flushed down the flush of shame where the pipes should send you directly to Playa de Losers."

"That is disgusting." Heather gagged, "Luckily, I shouldn't have to ever ride it."

"Don't hold your breath." Jo reminded. The queen bee glared back at her.

**HEATHER:** What is she insinuating? Oh she is so going down!

"Alright, I will pass out the cookies! The first two goes to...

...

...

...

Anne Maria and Ezekiel."

Aw yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about!" the jersey girl cheered.

"I'm not out first." Ezekiel happily stuttered, "I'M NOT OUT FIRST, EH? YES!"

"Um, duh." Staci rolled her eyes, "Were you expecting to after today's performance?"

"Sorry, eh." the Canadian settled down, "I guess I still just can't believe it."

"Silence!" Chef shouted, "The rest of the cookies go to DJ...

...

...

...

Staci...

...

...

...

Heather...

...

...

...

Brick...

...

...

...

Bridgette...

...

...

...

and Jo."

Lightning and Sam sat in the bottom two. The former was shaking and sweating in total fear and worry while the latter still didn't even realize he was on Total Drama Chef.

"Boys." Hatchet said as he held up the last cookie, "The last person safe tonight is...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

Lightning."

"Sha-phew!" Lightning sighed in relief as he caught his cookie, "You guys should be sha-thankful, you almost lost your strongest player."

"Oh, just give it a few ceremonies, eh." Ezekiel evilly smiled. Sam wasn't even disappointed, he was still totally oblivious to everything.

"Sam, it is time to go." the host informed as he walked up to the gamer.

"Yeah sure okay." Sam nodded, not paying the slightest bit of attention. To this apathy Chef growled and picked up Sam by his collar, dragged him down the dock of shame and threw him into the giant toilet.

"Farewell Sam!" Brick saluted, "I would say you played a good game here, but you really didn't. So I hope you played a good video game."

"Take care!" Bridgette waved, "And good luck riding the flush of shame, yuck."

"Yeah, whatevs." Sam ignored as he concentrated harder. Chef took out a button, pushed it, and Sam the Nice Guy Gamer was flushed away.

"And that concludes the first bon-fire ceremony, now go to your beds and sleep! You got a long day tomorrow!"

**JO:** /punches palm/ Bring it on old man. Bring. it. On.

**CHEF HATCHET: **I'm doomed. I have no idea what I'm gonna do tomorrow for the game. I literally practiced everything I did today for six months in front of the mirror. I have no challenges or twists planned at all... I hope I still get my paycheck. Anyways, I might as well close out the episode right here and now. Uh, will all the things that happened today escalate tomorrow? Who else will be eliminated? And will I get Mama DJ out of my hair? Find out next time on Total... Drama... Chef!

**STACI: **Sam was useless. If me and Zeke are to win this competition, are team can't keep losing. And having him focus on nothing but video games will not help our cause. Plus, he voted me out last season, so I'm getting myself a helping of revenge. And it won't stop with him, I will have my revenge on everyone. Everyone still thinks I'm just annoying old Staci, the mouth blabber. But they do not know what I have in store, mark my words. I will have my revenge. BWAHAHAHAHA!

* * *

Anne Maria: Lightning

Brick: Lightning

Bridgette: Lightning

DJ: Lightning

Ezekiel: **Sam**

Heather: **Sam**

Jo: **Sam**

Lightning: **Sam**

Sam: No Vote

Staci: **Sam**

**Sam: **5

Lightning: 4

**SCREAMING COCONUTS:** Noah, Cody, Tyler, B, Mr. Coconut, Eva, Izzy, Dawn, Sierra, and Lindsay

**KILLER APPLES:** Brick, Lightning, Ezekiel, DJ, Staci, Anne Maria, Jo, Bridgette, and Heather

**ELIMINATED: **Sam

* * *

_A/N: Did you like it? I hope so. Once again sorry for the length and the obvious elimination. Please review and have a wonderful day! God bless you guys! :)_


	3. Trivial Persplat

_Hi everyone! Welcome back to another update (probably one of my fastest ever) of my fanfiction. I own nothing of Total Drama, let's begin!_

* * *

**TRIVIAL PERSPLAT **

It was extremely early in the morning on Wawanakwa. There would be no opening for the third episode of Total Drama Chef. The camera people could do nothing more than go to Chef's trailer and zoom in on him loudly sobbing.

"What am I going to do?" he moaned, "I have no idea what I'm doing for the challenge today! Or ANY challenge for the whole season. This is almost worst than the time I lost that entire country in the war."

It was around this time Mama DJ stormed in the room. Why she was still on the island and what she was doing is none of your business. But the woman had walked past Chef's trailer seven times and the same sound of weeping was resonating from it.

Mama DJ was rather tired of this and was intent on whipping the former solider into shape.

"Will you quit your crying you big baby!" she demanded as she smacked him across the face with her bejeweled purse.

"What the-" Chef rubbed the spot of impact, "What do you think you're doing woman? Why are you still here?! The boat of losers was supposed to take you away last night."

"I'm here to stay, sir!" Mama smacked him in the face with the purse once again.

"You ain't gonna be staying if you keep disrespecting me like that!"

"You ain't gonna be staying here either if you don't stop being a whiny baby and actually come up with a challenge!"

"...How'd you..."

"Oh don't be an idiot!" Mama DJ smacked him again, "You've been blubbering about it for the past three hours, very loudly if I might add. So I'm gonna help you."

"You'd do that for me?" Chef Hatchet shed a tear of joy, "I would go to war with you any day Mama!"

"I ain't your Mama!" she informed as another smack rained down upon Chef's cheek, "Now I've been thinking about what you could do for a while, and I was thinking something like a trivia challenge."

Chef gasped in delight, "That's perfect! And we could do it in the water!"

"Um, the water?"

"Yeah! We had a truth or dare thing last season and we installed bleachers in the lake, there probably still there."

"Alright. Now you need to come up with some hard trivia questions about this dumb show."

That led Chef Hatchet into another problem. He did not know a single fact about the show, as he really couldn't care less about what he was putting in the food they ate, let alone any fun facts. But then a memory hit him and he ran towards his filing cabinet with all the contestants', competing or not, information. The kids had to give out all sorts of things to the producers, from social security numbers to blood samples.

"Here it is." Chef grinned as he pulled out the particular contestants home address.

"What are you doing?"

"This one girl in the finale of the season where we did a bunch of movie themed challenges." the veteran began, "Knew all these weird trivia facts about the campers. The little weirdo could help us with the challenge!"

The two walked out of the trailer and walked to the man's plane, _Deathtrap._

"So how are you going to get her to even agree to do this?" Mama asked as she nervously boarded the plane.

"We'll ask nicely."

* * *

Mama DJ was glaring at Chef Hatchet for a couple of reasons. Reason one being that he had no idea how to really fly a plane, and the second being how he got Beth to help out.

"Breaking into her house, putting a sack over their head, and kidnapping is not asking nicely, you oaf!" she shouted as she looked sympathetically at the squirming sackcloth behind them.

"Hey, don't give me that. It says that we are allowed to do this at least once in their contracts." Chef defended, "Now quiet! I'm landing!"

"You can barely fly this darn thing! Now tell me how in the samheck are you gonna land it without killing us all?!"

"Woman, you need to quit berating me! Its getting on my last nerve!"

"WHAT IS GOING ON?!" Beth shrieked in fear as she escaped her bag.

"Don't worry hon." Mama comforted the scared teen, "Here's a muffin."

"You didn't bring me a muffin!" Chef complained. Mama just smacked him in the face. Eventually the threesome landed, escaping narrowly with their lives.

The two adults led the shaken wannabee to the mess hall, where they would explain everything.

"Alright farm girl, you're probably wondering why we brought you here." Hatchet stated.

"Oh no, I don't need any explanation to why I was suddenly kidnapped in the night and brought to this stupid place." Beth glared.

"Don't use sarcasm on me, girl! Respect your elders! Anywho, we need you to give us trivia questions. Your good at that kind of stuff, right?"

"Well yeah." Beth scratched her head, acknowledging that she did enjoy learning trivia of many things, Total Drama included, "But is that why you kidnapped me? I mean, I have a phone number you now."

"Its still really early." the cook explained, "So I thought we could come and get you."

"So you thought you could come and kidnap me." Beth corrected.

"Don't give me sass!." Chef said, "Now follow me, we need to prepare for the challenge."

As they walked off, Mama DJ stood behind and simply shook her head.

**MAMA DJ:** That man is not okay in head. Mmm-mmm.

* * *

Heather hated having to get up early, she really, truly did. But the intern she had made a secret alliance with the episode before had called a meeting early in the morning, back at the shed they had met in the forest. Normally Heather would be angry that her beauty sleep had been so rudely interrupted, but if the queen bee loved anything more that her looks, it was one million dollars.

"Alright." Heather entered the shed to see the intern prepping something, "Why did I have to wake up so early?"

"Oh good. You're here!" the intern beamed, "I cannot wait to win my share of the million dollars!"

"Ha! As if I'm going to actually gi-" Heather stopped herself from screwing up her only strategy for this season, "Never mind, so what's up? And say what's up quickly, so I can sleep a little longer."

"Your not gonna want to sleep after I put on this." the short worker said as he prepared to put on her a mic pack and mic.

"Don't touch me!"

"Well I have to put this on so you can hear the answers!"

"Answers?"

"Chef had us prepare bleachers for you guys to sit in the middle of the lake. He says today's challenge is an ultra-hard trivia contest. I'm going to feed you the answers through this mic."

"Wow." Heather was surprised the pudgy loser actually had some kind of brain, "That is actually a decent plan."

"Makes me worthy of my half of the million, huh?"

"Sure..."

After all was said and done involving the set up of the mic, Heather grinned maliciously, "This game is mine! Bwahahahaha!"

"Bwahahahaha!" the intern joined in.

"Your ruining it!"

**HEATHER:** I know I may seem crazyish, but I'm not. I'm just a bit desperate for strategy is all.

* * *

"Ugh. You would think that a show with a million dollars as the prize would be able to afford better bathrooms.", Noah groaned as he stood boldly before the throne of grace, which didn't look too graceful, "Let's just get this over with."

Unfortunately for the poor bookworm, before he could do so, Izzy barged in and interrupted him.

"Izzy." Noah deapanned, "What do you think you are doing?"

"Come on Noah, Izzy needs your help with Eva! We must make her calmer than the one you love!"

"The one I love?"

"You know, Dawn. The hippy blonde wizard. The internet thinks you are soooo meant for each other. I've even written some-"

**NOAH:** Really fans? That weirdo Dawn? Next you'll be pairing me with Katie. /Sierra pops in, scaring him./ Sierra?!

**SIERRA:** The Notie fandom is HUGE! As well as the Nizzy and NoCo fandoms. Nova and Neather are decently popular. And the DunNo and AleNoah fa-

**NOAH:** /glaring./ Get out.

"Izzy, could I at least use the bathroom first? I mean really."

"Can I watch?"

"No."

"Fiiiiiiiine, but quickly my egghead friend!" the nut said as she left, "And look out for the snakes! Mwahaha!"

"Does my head look that much like an egg?" Noah asked himself before going back to doing his business, "Whatever."

"Is he coming?" Eva asked Izzy as she ran out of the lavatories, "Not yet. He needs to answer the call of nature."

"WELL, I WANT HIS HELP NOW!" Eva screamed as she lifted up a passing laser squirrel and chucked it into the horizon, "... Dang it.

Izzy put her hand on her friend's shoulder, "Have you ever tried punching a pillow?"

**EVA:** There's a reason I'm banned from most mattress stores.

**LASER SQUIRREL:** /declaring it will have its revenge on Eva in its own squirrel way./

* * *

Brick was taking his usual morning run, but more easily tired than usual because of all the running he did yesterday.

"Man." he cadet panted, "My legs haven't been this sore since I ran from those rioters back at fashion school."

"What, are you too tired, Brick-for-brains?" a voice called out from behind.

"Good morning Jo." he sighed as he tried to ignore her, but that was simply impossible.

"You know G.I Joke, I hope you understand that you are on my team." the jockette explained.

"Actually you are on my team." Brick informed, taking responsibility, "And no more nicknames! No more or I'm going to find a way to send you home!"

"Really?" Jo laughed, "Like that will ever happen. I dominated you last time, and guess what Sir-Leaks-A-Lot, I'm gonna dominate you again, capishe?"

"Goodbye Jo." Brick rolled his eyes and sprinted with all the energy he had left so he could get away from Jo.

**JO:** What's his problem? I thought he enjoyed our rivalry! I mean, I enjoy it.

Back at the mess hall, everyone except the two were eating, or rather ignoring, the disgusting slop they had to call breakfast.

"How can I know what's even in this?" Dawn poked her sludge, "I'm a vegetarian! I cannot even tell what the heck is in this!"

"You've had a line of dialogue just like that in sooooo many fanfictions." Sierra laughed. B patted the moonchild on the back.

"Hey guys..." Tyler was very creeped out. He pointed to Mr. Coconut who had finished his bowl, "How...?

Everyone scooted away slowly.

**MR. COCONUT: **/Nothing. How did he even get in here?/

"How much steroids do you usually have with breakfast anyways iron woman?" Noah asked Eva, who did not look happy.

"Why would you asked her that?!" Cody was terrified for his friend, "She's going to kill you!"

"I'm helping her learn to control her inner rage. So I'm hurling insults at her to make her angry. Now she has to deal with that anger without murder or the destruction of property." the male member of Team-Escope explained. Eva did seem to actually be calming down.

About this time, Brick and Jo burst in and ran to their tables, Jo doing so a little faster.

"Haha! I beat you!" Jo boasted.

"We weren't even racing." Brick sighed as he went to get food.

"Why do you harass the poor guy so much?" Bridgette wondered.

"Stay out of it surfer girl." Jo shot down the question, "It's just the way we roll."

"Mmm,." DJ licked his lips, "A freshly baked roll with butter would hit the spot right about now."

"Yah, that does sound good." Staci agreed, "My great great grandfather Timothy opened up butter store."

**STACI:** That's actually the truth.

"None wants to hear you lying, Miss Chatty Fatty" Heather spat.

"Hey Heather." Ezekiel got her attention in a sweet way before turning sour, "Shut up, eh. No one wants you here."

"What was that?' the queen bee was angry, "Huh? Million dollar destroyer!"

"Oh get over it, eh! I don't even remember when I did that. I was feral!"

"I will not get over it!" Heather screamed getting the complete attention of the whole mess hall, "Until I cream you all and win the million dollars!"

"Well, loudmouth, you can cream everyone in the challenge today." Chef Hatchet informed as he walked in trough the kitchen, "You all have a challenge today! Meet me at the dock of shame in five minutes, and make it snappy!"

"I love the challenges so much." Sierra said, "As long as no one dies, it's always an exciting time."

"I just hope it has something to with brains." Noah said as he headed towards the cabin to grab his current novel, "That would be nice."

"Don't get your book Noah." Dawn warned the fellow fan-favorite, "You will regret it."

"Oh, okay."

**NOAH:** Yeah, I think Dawn's aura bull is exactly that. Bull.

* * *

After they met at the dock of shame, Chef loaded them onto a boat where they would head to a set of bleachers in the middle of the lake, after which each team would load onto their respective bleachers.

"So today's challenge is going to be an ultra-hard trivia contest!" the host announced, "And to make things fair, Sierra is not allowed to play."

"WHAT?!" the fangirl screeched, "But I-"

"Quit your whining and get over it. Another thing, this challenge will be hosted by not me!"

"Then what are they paying you for?" Eva asked.

"Shut up! The host will be Beth!" the man revealed as he motioned towards the girl coming out from under her podium, "She's gonna take over from here. I've got host things to do."

"Hi everyone!" the farmer waved as Chef took off, "I'm in charge now so listen up. Each team is going to get a question every other turn. If you get the question right, you get a point. If you lose, I press your button and send you falling into the sea. Team with the most points when I run out of questions wins! Or the team which loses all their members to questions first loses. Everyone got it?"

"That sounds simple enough." Bridgette smiled.

"That's great! Alright, who wants to go first?" Beth asked.

"I volunteer as tribute!" Brick shouted.

"Oh my gosh! We're volunteering for the Hungry Games?!" Lindsay exclaimed, "I'm too young to die!"

**NOAH:** /crying./ Why must my generation be so stupid?

"No, no Lindsay, he volunteered to answer the same question." Beth responded, "Which is... How many stripes are on Katie's shirt? You've got thirty seconds."

"... who?" the cadet was dumbfounded and had absolutely no idea how to answer the question.

"Um, even I don't know the answer to that..." Sierra admitted.

"No one does and no one should!" Jo yelled, "This question is stupid, give him another one."

"Sorry, I cannot do that." the farm girl apologized, "And time is up! The correct answer was six. Katie has six stripes on her shirt. Brick, you are eliminated from the challenge."

Beth pushed a button to send him falling into the sea, but pushed the wrong button and sent Sierra falling.

"Oops." Beth cringed as she went and actually pushed the right button, "Well look at it this way Sierra, you don't have the temptation of answering anymore."

"Oh, the temptation is still very much alive." Sierra sneered.

"Alright, who wants to go next?"

"Ooo! Ooo! Pick me BFF!" Lindsay raised her hand, "I'm pretty smart, I think."

"Good to get the idiots out of the way." Eva whispered to Noah.

"Okay, BFF, your question is simple. How did you describe Heather before your elimination back on the island?"

"Ugh, do we have to bring that up?" Heather groaned as she quickly adjusted her ear-mic.

"I think I called her..." the dumb blonde took a moment to think, "a backstabbing, lying little **** ** ********* ****** **** ******* ***!"

Everyone laughed at the innocent using such horrible language towards someone they all didn't care for, obviously except for Heather, who just grumbled to herself.

**HEATHER:** I can't wait to win the million and rub it in their loser faces.

"As awesome as that was." Beth sighed, "It was the wrong answer. You actually called her a backstabbing, lying little **** ** ****** ****** ** * *** ***********! So you lost, sorry Linds."

"Aw its okay." the princess smiled, that is until she landed in the water and her hair and make-up was completely ruined and her language made it clear it was not okay.

**DJ:** I wonder if that girl knows what half those words mean.

**LINDSAY: ************** is another word, for like, potato. Right?

"Alright farmer!" Jo called out, "Shoot me a question."

"Okay!" Beth grinned as she prepared to ask the next trivia question, "Who on your team has cursed themselves?"

"I believe it was the crybaby wussy flower over there." the dirty blonde smugly responded as she jerked her thumb over to DJ.

"Correctumundo!" Beth clapped, "The, um, uh, Jo's team gets a point!"

"Hey!" the brickhouse glared back at Jo, "I'm becoming tough now, remember!? I am not a crybaby wussy flower!"

"Really. Tell that to the snake next to you."

"AUGH! What snake?! Where?!" DJ screamed and looked around. He then glared back at the girl who was now cackling that her point was made.

**DJ:** That was cold.

"I'll go next!" Cody declared.

"Okay... what did Gwen give you as a thank-you gift in the first season?"

"Oh I remember." Cody sighed in happy nostalgia, "She gave me her bra!"

"Yup!" the inexperienced host nodded, "The... er, Cody's team gets a point."

"You still have that thing, bro?" Tyler questioned the geek.

"No, actually." Cody nervously chuckled.

**CODY:** Not here anyways. It may or may not be in a safe back home.

"I got this next one guys." DJ told his team, "Beth, bring it on!"

"Bring it on I shall!" the girl fist pumped, hurting herself, "Alright, who was dressed as a mummy during the pyramid challenge in Egypt?"

"The pyramid challenge?" DJ shuddered in wake of bad memories, "Umm... I believe Izzy was one of them..."

"I was, wasn't I?" Izzy cackled, "I should really do that again sometime!"

"And she was the only one, right?" the teddy bear finished answering, confident he got the right answer.

"Ooo... so close buddy." the wannabee cringed in sympathy, "While Izzy was ONE of the correct answers, Ezekiel also was also dressed up as a mummy, unintentionally for him though."

"I did?" Zeke asked aloud.

**EZEKIEL:** Honestly, eh, I don't remember a whole lot from World Tour, that accursed season.

Beth pushed the button that sent DJ falling, and unfortunately, out of habit, he screamed for his Mama the whole way down.

**JO:** Oh yeah, he's totally becoming a tough guy. /cackles./

**DJ:** /groans./ Man, how the heck am I gonna lose my pansy image?

"Give me a question, pig girl." Eva grunted.

"My name is Beth you know... What was Leshawna's prize for winning the first merge challenge back in season one?"

"I believe it was some stupid trailer." the angry girl growled, "WHICH I SHOULD HAVE WON BECAUSE I-"

"Eva." Izzy whispered into her friend's ear, "Control yourself or Izzy will have to bite you. Take deep breaths."

Eva did just that. She suppressed her rage and calmed herself.

"Sorry for the outburst." the girl said through gritted teeth, "Did I get the question right Beth?"

"You did! And you controlled your anger too! Good job!" Beth squealed.

"Er, thanks."

**EVA:** You know, that felt kind of... kind of good. /smiles./

**SIERRA:** What a historical moment in TD history! Eva controlled her rage and I got to witness it!

**BRICK:** Peed my pants in fear for nothing it seems

"Hey traitor." Heather smirked at her old drone, "I'll take the next question."

**HEATHER:** Let's see if this intern thing is going to work out.

"Alright, Heather." Beth said her name with a bit of disgust in her voice, "What is Cody's full name?"

"Why should I know the gee-" Heather stopped for a second and touched the mic on her ear to hear the intern's answer better, "Wait a minute, it's coming to me. Cody Emmett Jameson Anderson."

"Wow." Cody himself was shocked she got it right, "She's right!"

"She is?" Beth asked incredulously. When she checked over the answer sheet she discovered this was true and her team got a point. All of the Killer Apples cheered, all except Ezekiel who had noticed Heather messing with her ear.

"Hey Staci." the former feral whispered to her an alliance partner, "Look at Heather's ear. There's something in it."

Staci did so and she noticed it as well.

"I think its a mic, eh! Heather is cheating and I, for one, think we should expose her."

"Um, no. That's totally stupid! We would lose again! Just like my great great gre-"

"Um, yes, eh. This could be our chance to eliminate Heather! She's a power player and take us off the map if given the chance, eh!"

"Yah, but I would rather have are team keep winning challenges than losing. And if we expose her she'll probably be ousted from the challenge and that would be one step closer to losing! And as my great great grandfather always said-"

"What are you two losers talking about?" the subject of their conversation asked. The first boots were not particularly good at whispering.

"Oh nothing Heather." Ezekiel smiled innocently before narrowing his eyes, "We were just talking about how Staci's great great uncle invented microphones."

**HEATHER:** What the?! How is ZEKE of all people onto me!?

"Let's just get this over with." Noah sighed as he volunteered for the next question.

"Okay Noah." Beth started, "Name everyone on the show who has lost their hair."

"Well, Heather, obviously... I think Crazy Sierra lost hers when she blew up the plane. And, yeah. That's it." the high IQ finished.

"Sorry Noah, but you missed a few."

"Just drop me." he yawned, "How do you think I'm supposed to know this crap? Or any of us for that matter?"

Halfway down to the lake, Noah realized he had his book still on him and it would get ruined. Dawn's prediction came true.

"Perfect." the sarcastic teen muttered as he pulled out his soaked book from the waters.

"Serves you right for being so lazy!" Jo called him out.

"Whatever, Eva number two."

**EVA:** Now that I think about, Jo is just me! But wussier! WHY DIDN'T THE PRODUCERS JUST BRING ME BACK IN SEASON FOUR INSTEAD OF... gotta control yourself Eva.

Hey Beth! I got ya!" Bridgette raised her hand, ready for a question.

"Okay Bridgette, your question is... what did Al-"

"His name is ALEJANDRO!" Heather screamed, "Not that I care or something."

"Riiiiight." Cody rolled his eyes.

"-and Cody," Beth continued after that awkward interruption, "where during the season three finale?"

"How could I forget." the calm surfer chuckled, "Skirts and coconut bras."

"While that is correct..." the temporary host, "I need to know what KIND of skirts?"

Seriously?" Bridgette became worried, she didn't remember the outfit that well. It wasn't long before the thirty seconds were up, she lost, and was promptly dumped into the sea, "Oh well. At least I get to chill in the water."

"You're still a loser who lost the challenge." Jo said, "So don't exactly be proud of yourself."

"What is your problem Jo?" Anne Maria growled, "You know, no one cares what you think."

**ANNE MARIA:** She's always so freakin' negative, that Jo. She's always bullyin' Brick too!

"Shut it Jersey shore reject."

"Right back at you man-lady."

"How about both of you shut it." Heather interjected.

"Actually I need you all to shut it so I can continue with the challenge." Beth nervously laughed, "Who wants to go next from the other team?

Tyler jumping up and down while screaming, 'ME!' gave Beth a good indication on who to pick.

"Alright Tyler, who on this shoe claims to have mad skills?"

"I believe that would be my man, Harold!" the jock answered excitedly.

"I believe you just gained a point for your team!" Beth said, "Is it bad I'm rooting for that team?"

* * *

"I have planned to the seasons halfway mark!" Chef said with delight.

"Um, no, WE planned to the halfway mark of the season." Mama DJ took her credit.

"Shut your mouth, woman!" the cook shot back, earning him another smack to the face.

**CHEF HATCHET:** Poor DJ, man, that woman is crazy! And if she hits me in the face with that stupid purse of hers one more time I'm gonna lose it!

* * *

"Yo toots, I'll take a question over here." Anne Maria smiled.

"Okie dokie! Your question is... um, how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?"

"Wha?" the tanned girl was confused, "Dat's not even a Total Drama question!"

**CHEF HATCHET:** I was hungry and was craving a lollipop. Don't judge me you brats!

Beth was very confused with what to do. She just decided to roll with it and have Anne Maria answer the question. She guessed 4,001 and that was wrong. She was promptly dropped from the bleachers.

"You did your best." Brick comforted his wet friend.

Aww, you're such a sweetheart." Anne Maria happily sighed, "Thanks doll. "

"You're very much welcome." the cadet beamed as he pat her on the back. Once he removed his hand, though, Anne Maria noticed something horrible. There was wet paint on his hand that had a tan color. Her fake tan was starting to run.

"Oh no!" she screamed in horror as the water around her turned tan. Everyone saw this and gasped, some snickering, "Noooo! Dis cannot be happenin'! It just can't!"

"Do you need help?" Bridgette asked.

"No! Just leave me be. I... have to fix this. I'm headin' back to shore."

"Um you are staying with your team jersey girl!" Jo commanded. But she just kept on swimming.

"Let her go." Brick requested, "She clearly needs time alone."

"Poor Anne." Beth said in sympathy, "Well I guess I have to awkwardly continue on. Who wants at it next?"

"Ooo! Izzy shall go!" she cackled.

"Who did Chris hire as a trouble starter back in TDA?"

"Hahaha, clearly the muffin man."

Beth blankly stared at Izzy before pressing her button, eliminating her.

**IZZY:** I knew the answer was Big O. But after that sad moment with Anne Marie, there needed to be fun! And fun is like, my thing!

"I'll take the next question fellow farmer!" Zeke said.

"Name all of the peanut gallery members from the aftermath of World Tour."

"Ah crap, eh." Ezekiel had no clue. When he had said that he remembered nothing from the third season he really meant it, "I know when to admit defeat. Just press my button, eh."

"It's comforting to know some things never change." Heather sneered as the boy popped back up from the water, "And I was referring to you losing."

"At least I know when to admit defeat. Unlike you." Ezekiel spat.

**HEATHER**: He really is onto me! I will destroy him!

**STACI:** He better not say anything.

**EZEKIEL: **I'm going to say something.

B raised his hand in silence, but Beth was still able to see it raised and understand what he was saying. Unfortunately for either, Beth could not understand B's non-verbal response and with an apology, eliminated him.

"How could you expect B to give you a speaking response? Have you ever tried to read his aura?!" Dawn stood up for the genius.

"I'm really sorry." Beth cringed, "Okay who wants to go next?", Staci raised her hand, "Okay Staci... is Chris bald?"

"Yah, I don't really know, but I am going to say yes." the liar guessed.

"Yeah, you're correct." Beth giggled at that fact.

"I think I can sha-do this." Lightning volunteered halfheartedly. The poor jock didn't even answer the question and lost.

**HEATHER:** That's what he gets for stealing back the money I stole from him.

**LIGHTNING:** Sha-sigh, at least there were bigger losers today.

**JO:** I can't believe that idiot still can't remember what gender I am!

"I believe Mr. Coconut wants to go." Dawn revealed.

"Okay." Beth waved awkwardly at the coconut, "Name one line B said."

After thirty seconds of silence, Beth declared him to have gotten the question correct, since he said nothing and neither did B. Afterwards, Dawn turned out to be the last contestant left and answered the question right before it was even asked.

**DAWN:** Being able to read minds has its advantages.

"Now that everyone's gone, we are gonna have a fifteen question speed round!" Beth announced, "Whoever answers first gets the point for their team. Got it? Let's do this! Who has hairy body issues?"

"That would be me." Jo growled.

"What does Gwen fear?"

"Being buried alive." Heather smirked in thought of one of her enemies being afraid.

"What is Tyler afraid of?"

"Chi-chi-chickens!" Tyler stuttered nervously.

"What was Cameron's nickname in the finale last season?"

"Iron Cam." Cody answered in the best deep voice he could muster.

"What happened to Geoff's first lucky hat?"

"That yeti thing took it." Heather answered.

"HIS NAME IS SASQUATCHINAKWA!" Sierra corrected.

What was DJ's bunny eaten by?"

"My bunny was what?" DJ still had not known its actual fate until now.

"A snake ate it." Heather grinned.

"How did Team Amazon get past the deadly minefield in Area 51?"

"I sacrificed my candy." Cody sighed in regret, "It was some good candy too."

"What is Chris's real name?"

"Christopher?" Staci guessed.

"Wrong, it was Christian." Beth said as she dropped Staci from her seat, "Where were Geoff and Bridgette during the TDA finale?"

"Clearly making out." Heather gagged as Bridgette blushed like mad.

"Who on this show has wet their pants multiple times?"

"Brick." Jo laughed as it was now Bricks' turn to blush like mad.

"Which couple likes waffles?"

"Mr. Coconut wishes to speak!" Dawn informed. Unfortunately for the fruit, he did not say a word in thirty seconds and was eliminated for the challenge.

"Who used to date Justin?"

"I believe that was Izzy." Heather answered nonchalantly as she filed her nails.

"What is one of the intern's names?"

"Billy." Heather laughed.

"You know what? Hold it." Noah interrupted, "Normally I wouldn't care, but the ridiculously impossible chances of Heather knowing an interns name when she barely cares to know ours makes no sense at all."

"Yean Noah." Bridgette thought, "You're right."

"Um, I'm on your team Bridgette!" the Asian reminded.

"A cheater is a cheater." Brick shook his head, "And cheating is completely dishonorable! No matter what your cheating for!"

"Are you cheating Heather?" Beth glared at her former manipulator."

"No..."

"She has an earpiece, eh!" Ezekiel finally revealed, "Someone's been giving her the answers."

"Lies!" Heather defended. It was proved she was the liar after Jo came to her and ripped out the device from her ear, "Um, uh... fine. Yeah I cheated. I have an alliance with a dumb intern and he has helped me throughout the challenge."

"Sha-cheater!" Lightning called out.

"Does this mean I don't get my share of the million dollars?" the intern asked on the other end.

"You idiot!" Heather shouted as she threw the mic into the lake, "I was never going to really give you half of the million!"

As the object fell down, the sounds of an intern crying echoed.

"Since I'm in charge..." Beth began, "Heather's team loses because she cheated. I'm fighting fairness with unfairness people."

"Hee hee. Take that, eh." a certain homeshooler chuckled.

"You are so dead." Jo informed the cheater, who had a nice, simple look of hatred and rage.

**HEATHER:** RAAAAH! I hate everything about this stupid show!

**BETH:** That was very satisfying.

* * *

"And with that the, um, that team wins!" Beth declared as the two remaining Apples fell.

The Screaming Coconuts, most of which were in the water, cheered wildly.

"Woo Hoo!" Izzy cried, "The coconuts win again!"

"I am very much convinced this fruit-being is a good luck charm." Dawn said as she picked up Mr. Coconut.

Obviously, the Killer Apples were not as pleased.

"Sha-dangit!" Lightning snapped his fingers, "We lost again! We sha-can't keep doing this guys!"

"No duh sher-jock." Jo snappep.

"Well Lightning, look at it this way." Bridgette comforted the athlete, "You weren't the reason we lost."

"But Lightning got the first sha-question I was asked."

"Well... uh..." the surfer girl struggled to get an answer, "Well, at least you didn't cheat like certain people."

"Oh shut your mouth!" Heather growled, "I would have carried our team to victory with my plan if it wasn't for a certain formerly feral home-schooled moron spilling the beans on it!"

"Maybe you shouldn't have cheated, eh." Ezekiel suggested, "Maybe you should have just admitted defeat and gave up for once in your life."

Within five seconds the two enemies were face to face, glaring into each others eyes. Brick took this time to go swim off in search of Anne Maria back at the shore.

"Ladies, you're both beautiful." Jo rolled her eyes, "Calm yourselves down."

"What have we missed?" Chef Hatchet, the man who was supposed to have been hosting, asked as he and Mama DJ pulled up in a boat, "Is the challenge over?"

"Yuuuuuuup." Beth responded and gestured towards the winning team, "They won."

"Congrats Screaming Coconuts!" Chef congratulated, "Your not that big of losers today unlike the Killer Apples, who will be sending home some brat home tonight.

"We ain't sha-brats!" Lightning insisted.

"Well my son certainly is." Mama DJ squinted at her son, who looked away.

"I'm sorry Mama." the brickhouse sighed, "We just need some time apart."

"You need some time apart from the woman who brought you into this world?!" the lady was flabbergasted by the comment, "I can take you out of it you know!"

"Shaddup! Chef barked, earning him another smack by a purse, "Anyways, all you losers come onto the boat so todays losers can go back to contemplate how much they suck, the winners can bask in their glory, and Beth can board the boat of losers to head back to the mainland and stay at the Milton Inn, where all cameoing contestants go till the finale."

"Oh my gosh!" Beth squealed, "Brady told me that he was working at a Milton Inn! Maybe he's there!"

"That's awesome!" Lindsay clapped in support of her best friend, "If he's there, you guys should totally go tho the spa!"

They both squealed until Mama DJ smacked them both with her now infamous bejeweled purse.

"You know, my great great great grandmother invented spas." Staci blabbed, "Before her... NO! NO MORE!"

"Whoa. Are you alright?" a concerned Bridgette asked.

"Yah." the Burnett lied, "I'm... I'm fine."

All twenty people tried to get onto the boat, but as it turns out, the floating machine was too weak to have so many people climbing onto it and wound up capsizing.

"Looks like you suckas are swimming back!" Chef said after he spit some water out.

"Yays. More physical activity." Noah complained.

"After you help me with my anger," Eva laughed, "I'm gonna help you get active."

**BRIDGETTE:** I have to admit, I like that I've had to swim the lake both days I've been here.

**SIERRA:** /She's kept all the answers to the questions she couldn't answer in. And now she letting all sorts of facts come out of her mouth. Her eye twitches./

* * *

"Augh! Stupid paint!" Anne Maria was struggling with getting her famous tan back, after it had been completely washed away in the challenge, "I hate this show!"

"Ma'am?" Brick had come down to check on her, "Are you alright?"

"No! I ain't alright at all! I'm havin' a crapton of trouble repairing my best quality!"

"You mean your tan?"

"Of course, what do ya think?" Anne Maria hastily shot back, "Oh what am I going to do?!"

"What do I think?" the cadet sighed as he rubbed his arm, "I think your a wonderful and beautiful young woman, even without your tan. Don't let this get you too down Anne Maria."

As Brick walked away, the Jersey-Shore reject peeked out her head and looked longingly at the unibrowed solider. But someone else was peeking, spying more accurately. Jo was not happy with Brick's comment, and the Anne Maria's reaction did not help her mood one bit.

**ANNE MARIA:** /thinking./ Wow. I've never had a boy say that to me. Da boys back home are always concerned with just my looks, but Brick really cares about me beyond my poof. Maybe Brick is attractive in some ways.

**BRICK:** I hate to see a woman upset. It's probably in my top ten least favorite things ever. Up there with Sergeant Wilsons whistle. /cringes./

**JO:** /looking a mix of hurt and angry./ I can't believe it! Why would Brick compliment that little fake skank! Do those to morons have a thing for each other or something? No! That cannot happen! I have a thing for Brick! I was the one to like him first! Anne Maria is just in it for his body, I'm sure! Not in the way he makes a girl laugh, or compliments her in site of the girl dominating him in everything, or his honorable nature, or- /Jo realizes what she's doing. She just told the whole world that she really does like Brick. Clearly a lot./ Um... I mean... that cannot happen because they are going to be in an alliance and, yeah, that's bad for, uh, strategy. I guess. You better not air this.

**SIERRA:** /walks in and makes a face as if she got the scent of something horrible./ What's with that new love triangle smell?

* * *

Night had fallen once again on the island in Muskoka. The Killer Apples were spending their evening at their second consecutive elimination ceremony, where they would once again vote out one of their own. All but two of the campers had their immunity cookies, and were safe to stay for another chance at one million dollars. These two unfortunate, sad, and pathetic losers happened to be Ezekiel and Heather.

"Kids, there is only one more cookie on my antique plate." Chef said solemnly.

"Oh just give the cookie to me!" Heather insisted, "What reason would anyone have to vote me out? I'm a strong player."

"Oh you are so right Heather." Bridgette rolled her eyes sarcastically, "Why would anyone vote you of all people out?"

"Can we get on with it, eh?" Ezekiel gulped, "I'm tired of the butterflies in my belly."

**EZEKIEL:** No matter how confident you are beforehand, you get the nerves when you're in that bottom two.

"The final cookie goes to...

...

...

...

...

...

... Ezekiel." the new host tossed the teen the last cookie.

"Sorry ma'am, cheaters never win." Brick grunted, "And I am not going to let them."

"But my cheating was benefiting the team you idiot!" Heather screamed, she was not particularly pleased with being eliminated.

"Well I would rather lose than win by cheating." the cadet stated.

**ANNE MARIA:** Isn't he the sweetest? I think I'd like Brick to become my man.

**JO:** /Slaps herself. She had gushed about Brick and she wants to knock it off./ No! That statement does not make Brick more of man! It makes him a loser for being okay with losing! ARGH!

Heather wanted to fight and not go quietly. But instead, she decided to go ahead and preserve the last of her dignity. She got in the giant toilet as calm as she could and just glared at her teammates, who had come to see the powerful villain fall.

"Any last words, mean girl?" Chef Hatchet asked.

"Actually, yes." Heather growled, "You can all kiss my-" a button was pushed, "AHHHHHHH!" and Heather, the Queen Bee was flushed away.

The Apples were all dismissed and began to walk back towards their cabins. Staci and Ezekiel stayed for a few moments, as the former had something she needed to address.

"Hey Zeke." Staci began, "Remember when I told you NOT to tell the others about Heather because we'd lose? I don't think you remembered!"

"Yeah, I remembered." Ezekiel spat, "But I thought it would be a better strategic move to cut the most powerful player ever!"

"What? So are you gonna throw a challenge every time you think a threat needs to go? Huh? HUH?!"

The two glared at each other for a few moments in cold silence, with only the sound of a duck quacking in the distance.

"Look." Zeke finally spoke, "I'm part of this alliance too. I should be able to make the moves I want to play just as much as you. You made your move yesterday with eliminating Sam, now I made mine, eh. And you're going to have to deal with that."

"Fine." Staci sighed, "Yah, I guess you're right. You deserve to have some decision-making too."

With that the two shook hands, a little less confident in each other, and walked back to their cabins.

"Well that's that!" Chef grinned as he began the episodes closing recap, "That mean Heather girl is gone! Do we have a new power alliance in Zeke and Staci to replace her ruthlessness? What of that new love triangle? Stupid kids shouldn't be dating. Anyways, will DJ respect his Mama? Will Mama DJ respect me? And will Lindsay know how to spell respect? Find out next time on Total... Drama... CHEF!"

* * *

Anne Maria: **Heather**

Brick: **Heather**

Bridgette: **Heather**

DJ: **Heather**

Ezekiel: **Heather**

Heather: Ezekiel

Jo: **Heather**

Lightning: **Heather**

Staci: **Heather**

**Heather: **8

Ezekiel: 1

**SCREAMING COCONUTS:** Noah, Cody, Tyler, B, Mr. Coconut, Eva, Izzy, Dawn, Sierra, and Lindsay

**KILLER APPLES:** Brick, Lightning, Ezekiel, DJ, Staci, Anne Maria, Jo, and Bridgette

**ELIMINATED: **Sam, Heather

* * *

_Thank you all for reading! Hope you enjoyed! God bless you and have a fantastic rest of the day! :D_


	4. Purgatory's Kitchen

_YAYS. THE NEW CHAPPIE IS OUT. PRAISE THE LORD._

* * *

**PURGATORY'S KITCHEN **

Chef Hatchet stood confidently on the dock of shame.

"Last time on Total Drama Chef! The kids had a trivia challenge here most of them stuttered and cried like little babies because the questions were too hard. While smoke-filled the air as the brats were actually using their brains, me and a certain violent woman planned out the season, which I may or may not have failed to do." the cook chuckled nervously, "In the end, Heather turned out to actually be cheating, and lost the challenge for her team and promptly sent her home. We're entering the third day, people, and some won't come out alive. How will some of them die? And what drama will we such out of them beforehand? Find out right here, right now on Total... Drama... Chef!"

(Theme Song Plays)

* * *

The communal washrooms were alive and well with activity as all nine girls prepared for their day.

"Will you hurry up in their!" Eva banged on the stall door, where Anne Maria was in using the restroom.

"Oh chill out! I'm constipated!"

**ANNE MARIA:** That line had betta' not make it into the final cut!

"I swear, you're annoying me worse than the sissy girls applying their stupid make-up! Even Jo is doing it!"

"Huh?" Jo was startled at the sound of her name. She looked embarrassed as she quickly threw her foundation container to the corner of the room, "What make-up?"

"You know, there's nothing wrong with wearing make-up Eva." Bridgette pointed out after she spit out some toothpaste.

"I don't need to hear anything you have to say." Eva pointed out, "TRAITOR!"

**BRIDGETTE:** She's seriously still holding that against me? What the heck?!

"Izzy thinks you should forgive and forget that." the crazy told her strong friend, "A bitter heart will eventually eat your insides quite literally, and large chunks of your gallbladder will fall out of your nose!"

"Da heck did I just hear?" Anne Maria questioned from the stall as everyone stared at Izzy.

"Oh, I feel nauseous now." Sierra groaned and clutched her stomach.

"Get used to it." Dawn said rather ominously as she left the building.

"I don't really hold that against her anymore Izzy." Eva said, "I was just messing with the Blondie, am I not allowed to do that now?"

"Of course your allowed to mess with people." Izzy laughed, "I just didn't know."

**IZZY:** Helping Eva requires I watch over her and that can be so confusing. She's so rough in how she acts and talks I can never be sure if she's in a normal mood or planning a mass murder. Hahahaha. I'm sure she understands.

**EVA:** I feel bad, but I'm starting to question how much I really want to have Izzy help me control my anger. She's a little, well, crazy about it. Which is obviously expected, but when she screams at me for 'hurting the tree people' after I had been punching one for exercise, I'm gonna get a little annoyed.

"Well Eve, I think make-up is awesome!" Lindsay changed the subject back to what it was at the beginning of the episode, "Make-up makes a girl even more beautiful than they already are!"

"Ha! I don't need make-up to make me feel better." Eva laughed nervously, "I'm, you know, fine the way I am."

"Okay! To each their own." Lindsay smiled sweetly. The dumb blonde pulled out her hair dryer and went to plug it in. Unfortunately for her, she was an idiot and placed the plug into a small puddle of water, giving the girl a shocking experience.

"Lindsay! No!" Bridgette rushed over to help her friend.

"Geez, I must really be missin' stuff out there." Anne Maria commented, still on the pot.

"I wanna try!" Izzy volunteered.

"Ha ha ha!" Jo maliciously laughed, "What an idiot."

"Guys!" Bridgette scolded, "Are you okay Linds?"

"I'm not an idiot!" an angry smoke-blackened Lindsay insisted, 'I'm kinda smart!"

"Which is why you just stuck a plug-in a puddle of water." the ruthless jockette smirked.

"Well, um... you're a meanie pants!" the beautiful teen refuted. After that there was just an awkward silence.

Anne Maria finally came out of the bathroom, "So, what da heck's been goin' on?

**LINDSAY:** I know I'm kinda dumb... okay really dumb. I've tried to get smart but I always just forget about what I decided to do! But not this time. From now on I will always make the smartest choices or may I get hit by a flying ice cream truck. /looks up./ Like, that won't really happen, right?

* * *

"You're a sick man, Chef Hatchet. Mmm-hmm. Feeding these poor kids this garbage." Mama DJ shook her head in disgust.

"Woman, these dishes are amazing!" Chef defended, "These kids need to stop being such wussies. You could basically call this challenge 'The Unwussifying Breakfast'."

"What ever, I just hope you have a stomach pump ready."

"Pfft, as if I'd buy a stomach pump."

* * *

All of the guys were ready and waiting for breakfast.

"How long does it take for girls to get ready?!" Tyler shouted in impatience.

"That's what I like about my crew-cut." Brick smiled as he felt his hair, "Low maintenance."

**EZEKIEL:** I don't think girls are inferior or anything, eh. But girls are so weird to me.

"Here the ladies come now!" Cody grinned as he saw them all approaching.

"I was already here for five minutes." Dawn revealed, coming out of nowhere. She smiled at B, who smiled right back.

"What happened Linds?" Tyler asked as she was still blackened with smoke.

"I did something stupid." she sighed, "But that will never happen because I have become smart."

"Um, mild forms of offense intended." Noah interjected, 'But that's like Owen saying he's fit."

"Ah, the girls are here." Chef smirked, stopping Tyler from threatening Noah, "Guess what kids! We're going to be doing your favorite thing in the world for your challenge today."

"Really?" Lindsay clapped, "So the challenge is going to be about fashion?!"

"Or weightlifting?" Eva grunted.

"Surfing?" Bridgette hoped.

"Sitting still and being quiet?" Noah deadpanned.

"Boomy-boom?!" Izzy's eyes lit up.

"Oh, did I say your favorite? I meant my favorite thing! Torturing you with a disgusting eating challenges!" Chef evilly cackled.

The contestants let out a collective groan.

"What could possibly worse than Chef trying to make gross meals!" Cody cried, "His food is already horrible! No offense Chef..."

"Offence taken." Chef grumbled, looking kind of hurt.

**DJ:** Man, this is the perfect challenge to show off how tough I am now! If I eat all that nasty food, nobody can say nothing about me being wimpy.

"So what disgusting excuse for cuisine are you giving us first?" Jo asked.

"Dang, you ungrateful brats are hurtful." Chef complained, "My food ain't nasty, it just has an acquired taste is all. Anyways, let's just go over the rules of this challenge. The rules are simple, I will bring out food that is utterly disgusting and you must eat it. If you back out, or throw up, you will be eliminated from the challenge. Last camper standing wins the challenge for their team. Got it? Too bad if you don't! Your first dish is going to be Rock A La Mode."

With that, the cook grabbed to dishes from the kitchen and slammed the plates onto the respective teams tables. The dishes had a rock for each team member to eat.

"...Um, what?" Noah was totally dumbfounded.

"You cannot be serious." Eva raised part of her eyebrow.

"There must be a catch of some sort." Brick said and he gave the hard thing a searching look.

DJ took a bite, "Well... it seems to just be a rock."

"Well, I suppose as long as there's no creatures I would consume." Dawn shrugged, "I could not do that."

"Oh! I almost forgot!" Chef grinned as he came out with a bucket of mayo, out of date and filled with bugs, all over the rocks.

"Well, then I'm good." Dawn nervously laughed, "I can't eat those little bugs. They have whole lives to live."

"Oh stop being a sissy." Eva demanded as she forced down her mayo-coated rock, "You hippy."

"Hey!" Izzy swallowed, "That rhymes! Ha!"

**DAWN:** I am NOT a hippy! Hippy's may be vegetarians, in tune with nature, love animals, strict vegetarians, strive for total peace, live in the forest-... Well, uh, I don't run around my forest home naked! Which I think hippies do... I'm going to go meditate.

"Sha-rock!" Lightning cheered as he ate his.

"Man, I'm gonna need some stomach pumpin' after this." Anne Maria groaned as she touched her always churning stomach.

"I believe in you Anne Maria. You can do this." Brick assured, making the tanned girl blush, "We can all do this!"

"Ugh, my great great grandpa invented motivational speeches." Staci said. Nanoseconds later, the Burnett threw up, "Oh thank God, I'm done."

"Chug!" Tyler cheered as he shoved the whole thing is his mouth, "Chug! Chug! Chug!" The jocks 'Chugs' were getting weaker with every bite, "Ch-chug... oh I'm never doing this again."

His girlfriend, however, was not as positive on the whole thing as he was.

"You know, I want to be smart now." Lindsay began, "And I don't think its very smart to eat this. I could get rabies or some other kind of bad thing! A million dollars just isn't worth it. Sorry guys."

"Are you serious?!" Eva bellowed, "Another quitter! ARGH!"

"Calm yourself Eva." Izzy hissed, "For the good of all rock kind.

"Yeah." Noah agreed, "Wouldn't want to burst a blood vessel iron woman."

"Look at it this way." Sierra interjected with a creepyish smile, 'I can bring Lindsay's rock and show it off at the next Total Drama convention!"

"Whatever." Eva spat as she shoved the rock in her mouth.

**EVA:** You know, I'm just starting to get a little annoyed with this mission to make me nice. I mean, can't people just deal with me raging sometimes. /lets out a deep sigh./ I mean, I don't want to hurt anyone, but... just... GAH!

"What is that smell?" Cody plugged his nose and threw up, "That reeks!"

"Our drill instructor once made an unruly cadet eat his own boots." Brick said as he swallowed some leather, "And by him, I mean he made everyone."

"Sorry guys." Anne Maria reluctantly quit, "I just can't do this."

"It's okay girl. We understand." DJ forgave.

"Who are you to say its okay?" Jo wiped her mouth on her sleeve.

"Round three is finished! Hair soup anyone?" Chef grinned as she brought out the bowls.

"Hair soup?" Bridgette mildly freaked out, "Whose hair is this?!"

To this Chef only laughed maniacally. Brick even wet his pants at this.

"Okay, you're even freaking me out." Eva nervously rubbed her shoulder. Those left just looked at their bowls and began eating slowly.

"Thank God the texture is like spaghetti." Tyler quietly thanked the deity in the sky.

"Man, I never thought an eating challenge would be so difficult." Jo fought to keep everything in her stomach down.

"You're telling me." DJ sighed.

"Sha-blargh!" Lightning lost, "Sha-crap!"

"BLUGH!" Eva followed suit, "DANG IT. STUPID HAIR SOUP." With that, she began to punch the bowl in anger.

"Hey! that's my fine china! Don't punch that." Chef Hatchet whined. But something more important was about to happen. Something more important and very, very dangerous. B was eating his soup and enjoying it about as much as everyone else was. But without warning, a hair fell down the wrong pipe. Immoderately B began reacting, but since not a word came from his mouth, he looked like a lunatic.

"What's wrong bro?" a concerned Tyler asked, But the inventor just kept flailing his arms.

"Whoa son." Chef actually rushed to the boy with great concern, "What's wrong?"

"Oh my gosh!" Bridgette ran over too, "Is he having an allergic reaction?"

"I have no idea!" the black man was getting really worried, "He ain't saying anything!"

"Is everything alright?" Dawn asked as she returned to the mess hall from her meditation, "Oh my! B!"

The moonchild rushed to her best friend and began to seek what was wrong from inside his aura.

"Do you know what's wrong?" Chef asked, "I mean, your like some kind of mind reading wizard.

"He's... he's choking!" the light blonde revealed. With that, action was taken quickly. Chef put B right side up and gave him a Heimlich, which swiftly ended the crisis. But the silent kid was still very shaken up.

"Boy, you need to report to the infirmary. And yes Dawn, you can go with him. You ain't the only one who can read minds." Chef said.

"Thank you." Dawn and B nodded in gratitude, "I sense this show is in good hands now."

"I agree." Brick saluted the veteran with a tear in his eye, "That was truly honorable sir."

"Yeah, yeah. Let's just move on with the challenge."

**BRIDGETTE:** Great, its only the third challenge and already someone's almost died! Poor B... geez, I can only wait in fear as to what the next dishes will be.

"Here you go." Chef plopped down a plate of what looked like human hands.

"That can't be legal!" Cody exclaimed from the sidelines.

"If the RMCP finds out about this." Sierra cringed, "They will not be happy. Total Drama might even get canceled!"

"Really?" Noah asked excitedly, "Quickly, someone call the police. And hurry."

"No one will do no such thing, string bean!" the cook stated loudly.

"Well you know what I'm not going to do?" Bridgette asked rhetorically, "Eat a human hand. That's just so wrong!"

"Yeah..." Tyler winced and began barfing at the very thought of it, "Aw man."

"This is not good, eh. This is not-BLAGH!" the homeschooling teen got sick.

"You're all just wimps." Jo smirked. But after looking at the hand a little bit, she couldn't hold her stuff in her stomach.

"It's alright Jo." Brick shrugged, "Better luck next challenge, right?"

"I don't need your flattery G.I. Joke." Jo smirked as he shoved him over.

**ANNE MARIA:** I don't know how Brick is able to put up with Jo bullyin' him all the time. I woulda put the beat down on her by now if I was in his shoes.

**JO:** I'm sure Brick knows I torture him because I love him.

"Sha- sigh." Lightning said loudly as Bridgette sat down next to him. The jock looked at the surfer, who seemed so calm for someone who just lost. And accepting a loss in such a level-headed way was very foreign to Lightning, "How are you able to be so happy? You just lost!"

"Huh?" Bridgette was in daze, "I didn't hear you."

"You just sha-lost." the athlete re-explained, "And you aren't sha-sad about it."

"Why should I be?" the surfer girl shrugged, "Its jut a game, not really too important in the grand scheme of things."

Talk like that had never been allowed in Lightning's house. He had to win and win as much as he goo. Hardly any other responsibilities existed in his life. And a feeling that had been hidden within the jock was about to be unearthed. The feeling of wanting to be free from that.

"Can you help me be like that?" the jock sincerely pleaded, "Please..."

"Of course." Bridgette agreed, "I'd be happy to help you out."

**LIGHTNING:** Could I really have a life without the stress of thinking I have to win all the time? That would actually be pretty sha-awesome.

**BRIDGETTE:** I feel bad for judging Lightning so harshly when i first met him. I should have known he may have just needed some guidance.

* * *

B and Dawn were at the medical tent sitting inside as the silent guy took deep breaths.

"Are you quite alright now?" Dawn asked. B nodded, giving a reassuring thumbs up, "Oh thank goodness. The reading I had gotten on your aura had me very worried."

The two sat in peaceful silence for a few more moments, taking in the background sounds of chirping birds instead of the retching sounds they could faintly hear from the mess hall. Eventually, a gasp of air was heard. B was trying to say something, but just couldn't. Why he could not talk would forever remain a mystery.

But this little fact did not stop Dawns relation with the boy.

"You don't need to talk to me B." Dawn giggled, "I already know what you wanted to say thanks to your aura... and... and I really like you too."

B's eyes lit up at this and he looked happily into hers. Then the two kissed, and a new pairing was set in place.

"Oh B." I sense that this will be a very happy relationship." the moonchild whispered. The silent genius nodded in agreement.

* * *

"Welcome final four to the most disgusting and disturbing dishes yet!" Chef cackled like a crazy man.

"Hey! That reminds me of the time I went to the crazy people meeting!" Izzy began to tell her story, "I was all like, 'Hi I'm Izzy and I have a problem with being crazy.' and then they were all like, 'Hi Izzy'. And then we all drank punch and beat up the psychiatrist with our thumbs. it was fun!"

"Thanks for the story." Jo rolled her eyes, "Because that I totally cared."

"Now would that go in the trivia section of her wiki page?" Sierra wondered aloud, "Or...?"

"You will not be editing no stupid wiki pages, you will only be eating, or more accurately, drinking my lemonade!"

Unfortunately for the remaining victims, the lemonade was there, but mixed with stuff from the outhouse confessional.

"Wow, thanks Chef!" Izzy as she proceeded to chug her glass, disgusting everyone, 'I was, like, so thirsty. Maybe you aren't as evil as I thought."

**IZZY:** But still evil nonetheless.

"Well the horrible conditions in boot camp weren't giving me endurance for nothing." Brick shrugged and slowly drank his drink.

**BRICK:** I don't even want to think about what was in that drink.

Both DJ and Sierra were the only ones left.

"Hurry it up! We're on a time limit!" Chef demanded.

"Oh don't rush the poor children." Mama DJ snapped,"Your already feeding them stuff that'll curse their stomachs forever!"

"Shut your mouth woman! I never asked you!" the only man on the island shot to the only woman. She responded quickly and thoroughly by coming out of the kitchen and smacking him with her purse.

"Oh my." Sierra began to drink. DJ did too and both were struggling.

"Man. . . ugh. . ." DJ couldn't hold it in anymore and barfed.

"DJ is out!" Chef smiled, "That's karma Mama! Hey that rhymed, I should become the new Dr. Suess."

**LINDSAY:** I don't really like imagining Chef as Dr. Goose. Makes me feel a bit uncomfortable.

**DJ:** Dang it! I was really hoping to win the challenge. Aw well, at least I was in the last four.

"Us crazies got this Sierra!" Izzy high-fived her purple-haired friend, "Woot!

"Your next dish will be a coconut!"

"Never mind. Izzy does not got this. She refuses to eat a coconut in front of Mr. Coconut. How insulting and disrespectful is that? Huh? You evil chef?"

"Ma'am?" Brick's moth was full, "They aren't actual coconuts, they're made of chocolate."

"He is very much correct." Sierra nodded, her mouth also full.

"Yeah right." the red-head hissed, "It's probably really coconut, but actually disguised as chocolate." Izzy than ran over to CHef and gave him a round house kick to the face, "And an evil chef man like you would do that."

**EVA:** /beaming./ Oh Izzy, how could I really stay mad at you?

**MAMA DJ:** She's one of my favorites, that crazy girl.

"I don't know why I didn't just pick someone else for this season." a bruised CHef grumbled as he picked himself up, "We have two more campers left people! Brick of the Killer Apples, and Sierra of the Screaming Coconuts!"

"KILL THEM SIERRA!" Eva cheered, "YOU GOT THIS!"

"Woo! Go Sierra!" Cody fist-pumped.

"Go team." Noah sarcastically cheered, not even looking up from his book, "Rah. Rah."

"Sha-Brick!" Lighting cheered on.

"Yeah Brick, keep on fighting!" Bridgette encouraged.

"Brick baby, if anyone deserves to give us our first win, it is totes you." Anne Maria smiled. And then she did something a little out of the ordinary. She saluted him, and he saluted back. Jo saw this and perceived this as something more than it really was.

JO: Is she flirting with him?! Oh heck no!

"Get over here." the blonde grabbed Anne by the wrist and dragged her outside.

"Oh get your hands off of me!" the tanned one struggled to get free, but was forced through the door.

* * *

"Da heck do you want!" Anne Maria yelled as she jerked away her arm when the twosome got outside.

"You need to stop flirting with Brick you stupid skank!" Jo commanded.

"Flirtin'!? I was cheerin' him on cause he's my friend and teammate!"

"Don't give me that crap!"

"Your attitude gives you enough of that."

"You know, I don't recall asking you what you thought of me." Jo fumed, "Just cut the crap with Brick, got it?! He doesn't need you causing problems in his life!"

"Oh like what?"

"Uh, you know..."

"What? Are you jealous that Brick obviously like me better than you?"

"YES! I MEAN NO. NO!" Jo was furious, "Just stay away from him for the good of the team!"

"Oh, I'm not gonna stop hangin' out with Brick because your sweatpants are in a bunch because us gainin' a friendship togetha' bugs you!" Anne Maria shot back, "You ain't the boss of me!"

"Why you little-"

"Ladies?" Brick was standing in front of them,"Are you both alright?"

"We'll settle this later." Jo quickly whispered in the jersey-shore-rejects ear, "Yeah. We're fine Brick."

* * *

**BRICK:** Well that was odd.

**ANNE MARIA:** Who da heck does she think she is? I ought a spray her with my hairspray!"

**JO:** /grumbling and complaining./

"You're lucky I didn't drop you from the challenge right there and then, walking out of my challenge." Chef growled as the three Killer Apple members walked back inside.

"Oh shut your mouth!" Mama DJ called back from the kitchen, "He was just out there helping his girlfriends through their issues."

What?! Brick-for-brains is not my boyfriend!" Jo shouted and then proceeded to smack him upside the head.

"Wow." Anne Maria narrowed her eyes, "For someone who was telling me to stay away from Brick for his own good, you really seem to get a kick out of harassing him."

"Oh shut up you fake little twit!" the blonde jock scoffed.

"Whatever you say manlady!"

"Ooooo..." Noah sarcastically winced before rolling his eyes and going back to his book.

"Man, I'd get smacked for talking less than that at home!" DJ gasped.

"Your attitude towards me will get ya smacked too, honey." Mama DJ muttered to herself. It was about this time Izzy began chanting for a fight.

"There will be no fighting!" Chef bellowed, "I want to see kids squirm and cry, not watch a soap opera live! I already got tickets for that! Besides, what do you think that this show is called? Total Drama?!"

After that statement, there was an awkward silence as the poor host realized how stupid that statement was.

"Gosh, even I'm not that stupid." Lindsay shook her head.

"... the next dish will be!" Chef quickly changed the subject, "Chocolate in a diaper!"

The two dishes were brought out to Sierra and Brick, both of which were not delighted in the slightest.

"Oh no..." the uberfan gulped.

"What? Its just chocolate." Hatchet chuckled.

"It's not chocolate." Dawn contradicted.

"Yes it is, girl."

"Clearly its not."

"Well I said it is! So there!"

"The negative energy surrounding it says otherwise."

"LOOK! SOMEONE EAT THE DANG FOOD OR I'LL ELIMINATE YOU ALL RIGHT NOW AND TAKE THE MILLION DOLLARS FOR MYSELF. GOT IT MAGGOTS?!"

"Touche." Noah chuckled.

"I'll do it for my team." Sierra declared.

"Aye, count me in on that!" Brick nodded. The final two of this challenge were cheered on by their teammates. They both took a small handful of the chocolate and stuffed it in their mouths. The moment they did that they regretted it, as they realized it wasn't chocolate at all.

"Great Scott!" Sierra was disgusted, "Is this?"

"Yup." Chef cackled, "Fresh Bullcrap. As if I'd give you dumb kids chocolate."

**MAMA DJ:** He's certifiably insane, I'll tell ya. Mmm-hmm.

* * *

On a farm somewhere, an elderly bull could die at peace now that the teenage children that ate him and his brothers manhood were properly punished by eating their waste.

Vengeance is sweet.

* * *

"SPEW!" Cody ran for the bathrooms, about to be sick. The two teams looked in anticipation as both Sierra and Brick looked like they were about to puke all over the place. Finally, the former gave into her understandable desire and let it all out.

"And with that the Killer Apples gain there first win!" Chef Hatchet announced.

"SHA-YES!" Lightning was ballisticly happy as he gave Bridgette a high-five.

"Happy now?" the blonde smirked.

"SHA-YEAH I AM!" the jock responded, still doing a little victory dance.

"Yeah that's what I'm talkin' about baby!" Anne Maria cheered.

"We won, eh!" Ezekiel cheered. He then glomped Staci, "We won , eh! We are on the winning team!"

"Yah, winning is sweet!" Staci acknowledged.

"Bro, you did awesome." DJ congratulated Brick, "How were you able to keep it down?"

"Well..." the cadet was looking a little green still, "There's a reason I don't talk about some boot camp punishments."

**BRICK:** And those reasons are for the decency and pleasure of others, both of which would disappear in a minute if I tell stories about military school. I have even worse ones from my stay at the fashion academy.

**JO:** Proud of ya Brick. Keep it up.

The Screaming Apples were not as happy.

"I cannot believe we lost!" Eva slammed her fist into the table.

"Sorry I quit first guys. I just didn't feel like eating the disgusting food, didn't seem very smart." Lindsay admitted.

"Babe, you probably shouldn't admit when you've screwed up like that." Tyler whispered.

"Oh, oops." the innocent did see the rest of her team giving her looks, "Well... um... what about P? He doesn't talk! That would be bad for communimication! Right?"

"No!" Dawn quickly hugged her new boyfriend.

"Well." Sierra cringed in acknowledgement, "She does have a good point."

"Sorry, but I'd rather keep the person who is nice and quiet very much." Noah mused, "There isn't enough people like him who are just silent."

"Plus, Lindsay's just a pretty dumb broad anyways." Eva grunted.

"Aww, Ava called me pretty." Lindsay squealed, ignoring the insult.

"Hey, those are fighting words bro!" Tyler glared, cracking his knuckles and ignoring the compliment.

"You really think you could fight me?" Eva laughed, "And win? Priceless."

"Yeah bro." Cody agreed, "She would destroy you."

"Let us not war among ourselves." Dawn pleaded, "Let us have peace."

"Well I say let us have pancakes!" Izzy provided her intelligent thought on this matter.

"Well, I already know who I'm voting for, so I'm gonna go take a nap." Noah said, leaving the mess hall, "Wake me when its time for the ceremony thing I don't really care about too much."

With that, everyone gave each other looks, some good, some bad, and went there separate ways, awaiting the evening where one of them would fall.

**SIERRA:** It's getting kind of annoying that I'm not being allowed to update the wiki on account of my information being 'spoilers'. Freedom of the press gosh dangit!"

* * *

The ten members of the Screaming Coconuts sat at their first bonfire ceremony. Tyler and Lindsay sat up front, the former comforting his woman who was quite scared of going home. Eva was glaring at the two and Izzy, who was sitting next to the European, was not happy with her anger. Noah, next to her, was reading a book, profoundly bored. B and Dawn were cuddling each other in the cold wind. Mr. Coconut was simply on his stump smiling. Cody and Sierra were in the back, waiting eagerly for the results. Chef entered the area with a plate of nine cookies, but only ten campers before him.

"Welcome to your elimination ceremony maggots! Sucks to suck, doesn't it?"

"You bet." Eva growled.

"I feel profoundly meh on the topic of this whole game." Noah mused.

"Kids, there is nine cook-"

"Do you really have to go over the way this thing goes down?" Cody nervously asked, "Because I think we all know by now."

"You know what, you're right!" Chef realized, "Lets just do this. Cookies go to Sierra...

...

...

...

Cody...

...

...

...

Izzy...

...

...

...

Tyler...

...

...

...

Noah...

...

...

...

Eva...

...

...

...

Mr. Coconut...

...

...

...

...and Dawn." With that, only Lindsay and B were left without security in their safety. Both were shaking in await of the verdict, "B, Lindsay. Your quirks of stupidity and muteness have proven very dangerous to yourselves. Your team has spoken, and the final cookie goes to...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

... B." the cookie was tossed into the very relieved inventors hand.

"Oh what a joyous day!" Dawn clapped with joy. But another two people weren't clapping with joy at all.

"Aw man, this sucks hard!" Tyler complained, "I can't believe you're going home early again!"

"It's okay Tyson, I mean Tyler." Lindsay sweetly smiled, "I'm actually so glad to leave the show. Now that I have some brains up here, I don't think this show is worth a million dollars. As a matter of fact, I get to probably go to Playa now! A place with a bunch of stuff that's worth a million dollars!"

"Wow." Noah was kind of shocked, "That's actually a very brilliant statement."

"Thank you Nobert! I becoming S-M-R-T, aren't I?"

"And I take my statement back." the cynic rolled his eyes.

With that, Lindsay was abruptly placed in the giant toilet, waiting to be flushed.

"I'll miss you Linds!" Tyler called out.

"I'll miss you to honey cakes." Lindsay waved, then she turned to Chef, "Will this toilet ruin my-" a button was pushed, "-HAAAAAIIIIIIR.", and Lindsay, the dumb blonde was flushed away.

"Hee hee." Chef laughed, "I really love this thing. Kids, head back to your cabin as I close the episode. So, today was an exciting day! Relationships were formed and torn apart! Guts were completely thrown up, tears of whiny babies shed. It was a wonderful day for me, myself, and I! Hopefully it will be the same next time, which you will be tuning into, on Total... Drama... CHEF!"

**B:** /walks in and has a look of deep contemplation. He stands for a few seconds before sitting down. He let's out a deep sigh./ ... After what happened today, with me almost dying and all, I think it's time for me to start talking. I don't want to. But it's for the best.

* * *

B: **Lindsay**

Cody: **Lindsay**

Dawn: **Lindsay**

Eva: **Lindsay**

Izzy: **Lindsay**

Lindsay: B

Mr. Coconut: B

Noah: **Lindsay**

Sierra: B

Tyler: B

**Lindsay: **6

B: 4

**SCREAMING COCONUTS:** Noah, Cody, Tyler, B, Mr. Coconut, Eva, Izzy, Dawn, and Sierra

**KILLER APPLES:** Brick, Lightning, Ezekiel, DJ, Staci, Anne Maria, Jo, and Bridgette

**ELIMINATED: **Sam, Heather, Lindsay

* * *

_God bless and good night! Hope you liked it, tell me what ya think! :D_


End file.
